Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 75553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75553 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 302(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
As my mood began to spiral downward, I resolved to keep myself busy and not waste the day moping by myself. I stood and rummaged through my clothes until I found my favorite outfit. It was a thick woolen sweater in a jade color with a pair of black jeans and a white undershirt. My mother had bought the sweater for me before I died, so by wearing it that day, I felt like I’d be a little bit closer to her.
Once I’d pulled my clothes on and painted some make-up on, I was ready to face the world. Outside the hotel, it was just as busy as the day before and I hesitated in the doorway. I watched people pass by and clutched my bag tight to my chest. It was so overwhelming and without Griff by my side, I was worried about how well I’d cope, but the thought of returning to my empty hotel room filled me with dread.
You can do this, I told myself as I took a deep breath. It’s just a new city. They’re just people. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. After waiting a few more moments, my emotions settled and I took a step out onto the pavement. The people around me were too concerned with their own lives to pay attention to me and I began to take a leisurely stroll around the block. The cool air was refreshing on my face and I began to feel more and more relaxed with each passing moment.
A lot of the buildings in New York were much older than I’d expected and it surprised me to walk past a few of the skyscrapers which disappeared up into the clouds. I’d never been a fan of heights and I wondered idly what it would feel like to work right at the very top of one of them. Before long, however, I started to pass by stores and I found myself instantly attracted to the well-decorated displays in the windows. There was a variety of fashion stores that I was tempted to enter until I remembered how little money I had at the moment, so I settled for admiring the well-dressed mannequins instead.
It was the type of thing my mother and I would have done together if she was still alive. She loved shopping and it made me miss her terribly to be looking through the windows alone. I moved onto the next store and almost gasped at what I saw. It was a mother and baby store where the windows were piled high with new baby toys and clothes. There were mannequins wearing fashionable clothing still, but this time they were designed with swollen pregnant bellies and my heart fluttered.
I had no reason to enter that particular store and yet, my heart wanted nothing more. As I gazed down at the small, colorful items of clothing for babies, I wondered what it would be like to be a mother myself. The thought warmed me and I began to smile uncontrollably. If I was a mother, I’d never be alone. I’d always have a little cutie to take on walks with me and to spoil with all the most wonderful toys and gadgets they could ever want. Yet, it wasn’t possible for me yet. I hadn’t settled down and I hadn’t found the right man to start a family with.
Well, at least, if I have, he doesn’t want me, I commented to myself. After all, I would have happily started a family with Griff if our relationship was real, but it wasn’t. It did pose the question, however, of what Griff would be like as a father.
Kind, funny, and attentive, I answered with a wistful smile as I imagined a future where he would rock our baby to sleep at night, read them bedtime stories, and take them to the park to play. Of course, I had no way of knowing if he would be like that or not, but imagining it soothed my soul a little and I couldn’t help let myself get carried away.
There was an advert in the window for an app which stated it could help with fertility. I began to read it, feeling oddly interested, when one word stood out for me: period. My eyes widened and I started to comb through my memories to find when the last time I’d had my period was. Three, four, five, six... Six weeks ago?
I gasped, feeling suddenly terrified by the thought that my period was late. It couldn’t be possible, surely? I must have been misremembering something, but at the same time, every time I’d slept with Griff, we hadn’t used a condom. It shouldn’t have mattered since I was on the pill, however, but I’d been told by my OB/GYN so many times that the pill wasn’t one-hundred percent effective. It couldn’t possibly have happened, right? Yet, I was usually regular like clockwork and so I couldn’t stop the anxiety from bubbling up inside me. I needed to get some answers and I needed them now.