Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Being magic.
No matter how dark and terrible things got, knowing Tam existed was all Driver would need to keep on living his life.
It had to be.
It was selfish to ask for more even if his every cell rebelled. Somewhere in the distance a phone rang. Driver looked up and met Tam’s tender gaze. His big eyes were so easy to read, so goddamn expressive. It was those eyes he’d fallen for, but even now they held something back.
The real treasure was still hidden from him. Driver ignored the call. It could wait, this couldn’t.
Tam leaned down for a kiss and it was full of all the mixed-up, complicated emotions they couldn’t escape, but above all was desperation. Tam turned away and crawled onto the sofa, bending over the armrest so his ass stuck up in offering. It was so fucking stunning Driver had to take a hard grip on his balls to stop the tide of pleasure that zipped across his nerves.
“Tam?”
“Show me how it should be. Please?”
There was no way he could hold back from a temptation so strong. With a kind of surrender, he moved behind Tam. The lube was where he’d left it in the top drawer, and Driver was quick to coat his fingers and work the first past Tam’s tight ring.
The initial breach was a triumph.
Part of him was inside Tam. Inside.
Finally.
Above the thudding of his own excited pulse he heard Tam’s quiet whimper. It brought him out of a haze. Right away things crystallized. Tam was biting his own wrist with such force that Driver worried he’d break skin.
Like a splash of ice cold water, everything froze.
“Christ, Tam.”
“It’s okay. I’m okay. Just do it.” Tam’s eyes were pinched tight like he was hiding from something only he could see. He’d gone pale, and a clammy sweat coated his skin. His spine was stiff and his muscles were tense.
“It’s not okay.” Cursing himself, Driver removed his finger and backed away from the couch.
He was such a bastard.
He tugged the roots of his hair as he tried to suck in air and not pass out. Tam straightened and fixed his clothes.
“Why?” he asked. “Jesus, Tam, why would you ask for it? Why would you let me?”
With his knees tucked under his chin, Tam said, “I thought...” His voice broke.
Driver’s chest cracked wide open and agony poured out. “That if you let me fuck you I might stay?”
Those alluring wide eyes were filled with tears when they blinked up at him, and they shot Driver straight in the heart.
He’d done this.
He’d destroyed the one thing in his life that was pure and beautiful.
* * *
Tears fell down his cheeks and Tam didn’t bother wiping them away. Shudders shook his body and he was so damn cold. Would he ever be warm again?
It seemed impossible.
Driver asked him why...
Why?
Tam didn’t know. In that moment, the only thing on his mind was doing whatever it took to hold on to what they had. It was slipping through his grasp and he’d panicked. He’d thought he could force himself to take it just like he’d always done before, but he wasn’t numb any longer. With Driver, he’d always felt too much.
Everything was sharp and pointed and alive.
He lowered his head to hide his face. How could he have believed it would be the same with Driver? Why had he thought he was ready to face those deepest buried memories?
The phone rang but neither of them moved. Eventually the beeping ended, leaving a heavy silence.
“Don’t cry, please. It’s killing me.”
Tam sniffed and wiped at his eyes. “Sorry,” he said, but his chin still wobbled and tears still fell. He couldn’t stop them—they’d been held back too long and now everything was overflowing. Tam didn’t have the strength to keep up a front any longer.
Driver exhaled. “No. I’m an asshole. Cry if you need to.”
“You’re not.”
“Oh, but I am. I should never have touched you. You’re too special and I fucking ruin everything. Fragile things get shattered in my hands and your heart is the most fragile precious thing in the world. But, fuck, I couldn’t help myself.”
“Fragile? Do you really think I’m that weak?” Somehow, this hurt more than anything Tam had survived. More than knowing Driver would leave.
“Not weak.” Driver backtracked, but the damage had already been done.
Tam’s tears dried up and he lifted his chin. “You have no idea how tough I am, how resilient I’ve had to be. At least I keep trying. You’re the one that can’t face his fears.”
“I hurt you. I made you cry.”
Tam shook his head. Driver didn’t get it. Tam hadn’t cried because Driver had crossed a line or had done something wrong. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“Stop.”
“You will never know what a gift you’ve been.”
“Tam.”
“How can you not see it?”