Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 103281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 516(@200wpm)___ 413(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 516(@200wpm)___ 413(@250wpm)___ 344(@300wpm)
“Please, Hugo. Not here. Don’t do this to me here in front of all these people.”
“When I get you home, lad, you won’t know what’s hit ya,” my dad joined in.
Their words mattered, of course they did. They hurt me, wrecked me with guilt and fear…but I still couldn’t move. Why can’t they see? Why can’t they take it away?
Helen loved everything about the place, the brash lights and the carnival music. The sound of the sea and the smell of hot doughnuts in the air. I was grateful to her and the new memories she’d given me. She didn’t seem interested in the arcades or attractions, though I wasn’t sure if she’d made that decision to suit me. We could see how packed they were, constant streams of people spilling out onto the street.
Instead, we strolled along the beachfront for a while. We grabbed fish and chips, ate them on a bench at the quieter end of the promenade as we watched the trams go by. It took almost two hours for anyone to recognise me, possibly a record. It sounds cliché, the whole famous-guy-in-a-hat-disguise, but it really was amazing how much of a difference a simple Baker Boy made. It gave people the element of doubt, made them too unsure to approach in case they’d stumbled upon a lookalike and ended up feeling a fool. However, as soon as one had garnered the confidence to seek me out, more usually followed. Before we knew it, a small crowd had gathered, camera phones in hand. I hated it for Helen’s sake, that I couldn’t give her one night, one peaceful, innocent, normal night on the seafront away from the madness of my world.
“I loved it,” she said when we arrived back at the hotel room, grinning the smile that brought out the tiny creases around her eyes. Of course, she understood. She always understood. “And these?” She plucked another fresh doughnut from the grease-stained paper bag in her hand, took a bite. “Best part.”
“Oh, really? Not the company, then?” Chuckling, I moved a step closer. Her lips, plump and pink, were coated with sugar. I couldn’t stop staring at them. I waited for her tongue to peek out, lick the little crystals into her mouth, all the while wondering what they’d taste like on my tongue if I did it for her.
“Well, I won’t regret the company in the morning so that’s a win for you,” she said, remorse tugging at one side of her mouth before she took another bite.
She didn’t need to regret the damn doughnuts, either. I gave her a stare which said as much, planned to say it as well but, somewhere between my brain and my lips the words got lost, scrambled with regrets of my own. “I’m so sorry, Helen,” the words fell out of my mouth unexpectedly, sobering the atmosphere in an instant.
She finished chewing, tossed the bag on the nearest table. “I told you, Hugo, I get it. I’m not surprised it overwhelmed you. That arsehole was way over the line today.”
“No, no.” I shook my head, moved closer. “Not after the show. For leaving.”
Her breath caught in her throat as I closed in on her. With each step forward I made, Helen took one back until, suddenly, her back hit the wall.
“You mean everything to me. I don’t know why I did it, why I let you go.” My head dropped against hers, our chests touching. I’d never been more aware of her. Her breasts heaved against me with every stuttered inhale. Her hair smelled like strawberries and salty sea air. My hand found its way to her waist, my fingers dipping under the loose fabric of her shirt as they smoothed round to her back. “And yet, here you are, still. Accepting me. Loving me. I don’t deserve you.”
She raised her head, faced me, eyes inches from mine. “Hugo what are you-”
Fuck it. I couldn’t do it anymore. The need to touch her in a way I wasn’t supposed to had been building and swelling inside me for too long. Being this close, hearing her quiet breaths, smelling her sweet skin…it felt like I might burst open if I didn’t feel her, relieve the pressure.
My lips touched hers. I couldn’t help it. For a moment, they simply lingered, stunned by the softness, before the tip of my tongue traced the edges of her mouth. She tasted of sugar, and Helen – a taste I hadn’t forgotten since being a blundering teen, too young to appreciate it. My fingers splayed across the supple skin of her back, pulling her closer as my tongue searched for hers. That’s when she yielded, when her hands came up to my face, cupped my cheeks, when she kissed me right back.
Fuck.
Helen pulled back first, breathless, flushed, rested her head against the wall. She didn’t talk, just stared at me, lips parted, eyes yearning. I thumbed her cheek, locked my eyes with hers. She had the most beautiful face. Vibrant eyes, high cheekbones that lifted her smile, the cutest button nose. “I’ve travelled everywhere, Helen. Seen so many places, met so many people, but I didn’t notice a thing. Here, now, I see the world in your eyes. I see hope and dreams. I see excitement and possibilities. I look at you, Heli, and I see the future.” And in that moment, I knew. I knew why I’d needed her. The music had stopped working because it was only ever a distraction, a tool, a form of therapy. Darkness had started seeping in because, without Helen, that was all that existed. I could only struggle to see in the dark for so long before it blinded me completely. I needed Helen in order to see again, to look forward, to live.