Total pages in book: 164
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
His brow lowers while his eyes dart over my face like he’s looking for signs of damage. Does he see? Can he know? Maybe it’s written all over my face and I don’t need to say the words out loud. He’s always been able to read me–I’ve wanted to kill him over that more times than I can count. Can he read me now?
“We better get home.” That’s it. It’s all he says before jerking his head toward the sidewalk.
It’s better this way. I would only end up regretting it if I spilled my guts like a weepy, emotional wreck. His walls would come up, and we’d be strangers again.
The idea of the pain that would bring is enough to console me as we walk back to the house that will never be ours. Only his.
CHAPTER 29
ROMERO
It’s almost morning. Birds have been singing for half an hour, at least. How many times have I woken up before they started their noisy bullshit? Are they that happy to be alive yet another day? I wish I knew that feeling. I don’t think there’s been a morning of my entire life beyond a holiday or my birthday when I’ve been happy and eager for the day to begin. And even then.
My eyes are burning from lack of sleep as soft, gray light starts revealing the front bedroom one piece at a time. The window, the striped chair beside it. The dresser that's covered in hair ties, lotion, and books. She’s made herself at home here, something that both warms what’s left of my heart and leaves me cringing. She wasn’t supposed to make herself at home. This was never going to be forever.
I guess it was inevitable. What was she supposed to do? Live in limbo? There was never any guarantee of how long all of this would last. She had to settle in. She had to feel like this was home, if only for a little while.
Now, the light begins to creep over the blanket covering both of us. Her golden curls spill onto my bare chest while her perfect, heart-shaped face is smooth, unbothered in sleep. No more nightmares. Her soft breaths hit my skin, and for some reason I smile. It’s comforting knowing I have her trust. I don’t think I’ve ever known anything as profound as the gratitude that rushes up when I know she trusts me enough to sleep peacefully and deeply in my arms.
I don’t know whether I spent the night staring at the ceiling thanks to the war raging in my head or because I didn’t want to miss a minute of this. Because it’s the last time. It has to be the last time.
I have to tell her Callum expects us to come home now. His meeting with Jeff was scheduled for last night – I wanted to be there, but I wasn’t going to leave her. I got a thumbs-up text from Nathan, one of the other guards who stepped up to fill my role while I was gone. Things went well. I’m sure we’ll catch up about it later over the phone.
She has nothing to be afraid of anymore. She can go back to her life. Everything she wants can be hers.
I can’t be one of those things. No matter how Tatum thinks she feels, it’s not meant to be. That’s all there is to it.
I don’t deserve her. And I know damn well her father would agree. He trusts me with his business and with his life, but his daughter? Long-term? No way. He would never. A man like him doesn’t sit back and make idle threats. Even with everything between us, all the water under the bridge as we worked side-by-side over the years, he wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of me if it meant protecting her from the worst of what happens in our world.
I know him. I know how he thinks.
And he knows what I’ve done. He knows who I am. He knows what I’m capable of. We could never happen – I would only make her unhappy, being that I would stand between her and the life she deserves. I won’t do that to her. I can’t.
Even when I know she’s going to hurt. One day, she’ll have to understand I’m only trying to do what’s best for her. She has no business tying herself down with somebody like me.
Her soft sigh makes my body go still and my heart stutter. Witnessing her waking up is like witnessing a miracle. Every movement of her limbs, every breath she takes. The way her face scrunches a little before she yawns. The fluttering of her eyelids.
It’s like my hands have a mind of their own, stroking her soft skin before I tell them to. Every touch leaves me hungry for more. I’ll never get enough. But this has to be enough.