Total pages in book: 164
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 152853 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 764(@200wpm)___ 611(@250wpm)___ 510(@300wpm)
“You can’t help how you feel,” she whispers. “Don’t hold that against yourself.”
She doesn’t understand. I’ll never stop holding it against myself. I’ll never stop being disappointed in myself for walking straight into a broken heart.
“Please, please, don’t tell Dad.”
“You know, I’m almost offended that you would say that. You know I won’t tell him. Like I said, I loved you first. I’ve always got your back.”
She stands all of a sudden and marches to the bathroom. “I’m going to run a bath for you. You need to relax for a little while. Maybe take a nap, too – after you get out of the tub.”
“Oh, thanks for clearing that up for me.” I can’t believe how much my wounded heart needs that little bit of love. Just knowing somebody cares enough to watch out for me. I need to stop closing myself off whenever things get hard. It’s so easy to tell myself nobody cares, that it’s easier to keep everything inside. I tell myself I’m saving everybody the trouble of worrying about me.
At times like this, I might even believe I’m not worth worrying about.
After soaking in the tub until the water goes cold and taking a nap, I feel much better. We are an hour away from dinner when I leave my room, dressed, makeup on, and ready to put on a show. So long as Dad doesn’t suspect anything, I’m fine.
There’s no time to obsess when I reach the kitchen, which is how I imagine a battlefield looking at the height of the fight. The sink is stacked with sloppy mixing bowls and there’s flour and sugar dusting on just about every flat surface. She's dripped pumpkin puree on the floor at some point – I grab a dish towel and wipe that up before something terrible happens.
Bianca is setting the table in the dining room while Sheryl pulls the turkey from the oven. The aroma makes my mouth water. “Let me help you.”
Once she sets the pan on the counter, she hands me a foil roll. “Tent that, please.” I do as I’m told while she slides a couple of baking dishes into the oven to take the turkey’s place. There’s an entire spreadsheet laid out on the tablet propped up on the counter, and she makes a satisfied sound after peering at it. “Right on schedule.”
I’m glad she feels secure in the middle of this madness. “If you’re on schedule, take a breather. I’ll load up the dishwasher and clean up a little bit for you.”
For once, she doesn’t argue. “You are an angel.”
No. It’s just that I have a conscience and can’t watch her run herself ragged. Plus, it’s something to keep me occupied. I can’t stop thinking about the holiday we were supposed to have. Just the two of us. I might even have brought up inviting his friends over, though I knew he would never go for it. But I wanted to suggest it anyway. I wanted to push him a little. I was hoping to show him life doesn’t have to be dark. That there are people who care.
What a waste of time. How stupid could I be?
“It smells incredible in here.” At the sound of Dad‘s voice echoing in the hallway, I fix my face so he won’t pick up on my sadness. How long am I going to have to put on an act? Through the holiday, at least. I can’t ruin this for him.
He finds me cleaning up and his eyes go wide. “Well. Look at you.”
“What, do you expect me to sit around and not do anything?”
“I’m not used to seeing you looking so domestic.” He nods his approval. “It looks good on you.”
Yes. I’ll make a wonderful wife to some man he’ll eventually set me up with. I need to get rid of this bitterness. It’s eating me away inside. Why couldn’t he have asked what I wanted? And it’s not like I could’ve stomped my feet and thrown a fit at the house – not in front of Romero. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of witnessing me being shut down again, the way I have been so many times.
“Everything is just about ready.” Sheryl looks and sounds exhausted but proud. “We’ll have everything on the table in a few minutes.“ She already has serving dishes set out, some of which she’s filled and covered with foil. “If you could let the men know, I would appreciate it.”
“I’ll have Nathan do it.” He steps into the hall and whistles sharply. I have to grit my teeth against even more bitterness. He whistles, and everybody falls in line.
This is a problem. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to continue living here like this before I go on a killing spree. This is more than feeling bitchy and bratty – even I can admit I was a brat for a long time, pushing the envelope, seeing how far I could get before somebody reeled me back in.