Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 145088 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 725(@200wpm)___ 580(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145088 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 725(@200wpm)___ 580(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Clearly, he wasn’t very good at sensing others’ intentions, because the same had happened with Hammer. So maybe he was just projecting and the people he held dear all thought he was a fuckup.
Hammer faced him and rubbed his cheek with a heavy exhale. “Why are you sad? You were angry five minutes ago.”
Dex let out a trembly exhale. “Because I was, but then I thought about the tiger having cancer, and I came here, and he was all alone, and I thought about how I fucked up with my mom when she had cancer. It’s stupid, I know, but I had this urge to be there for Bandit. Turns out he didn’t even want me there, just like her. And you. I’m trying, okay? I’m sorry.”
Hammer’s silence was like a punch, and for a moment Dex felt as if the floor had cracked, and the abyss was about to take him away from this world where everyone saw him as a problem.
“Your mom? What are you talking about?” Hammer asked in a softer voice and took hold of Dex’s wrist, pulling him toward the exit.
The cool night air was a relief to his overheating brain, and he didn’t even mind walking barefoot over the freezing cold tiles leading to the house.
“My mom got ill with cancer when I was in high school and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t be helpful enough. I thought it would be useful if I earned some cash for us, but then got mixed up in the wrong crowd and got arrested, as if she didn’t have enough problems. So she said she couldn’t deal with me anymore, that it would be easier for her if I wasn’t around, and sent me to live with Uncle Frank. But the worst thing is that her cancer…” He had to take a deep breath as Hammer led him inside. “It got really bad last year, and she actually said it was okay for me to come see her. I think Frank told her I was doing well. And I spent loads of money to get a quick flight, but when I arrived at the airport, it turned out I bought the wrong ticket. I couldn’t even get that right. She… it was worse than she admitted. She passed before I could see her one more time.”
Shame was a cold, empty feeling in his stomach, but unlike hunger, he could never make it go away. Hammer led him to the kitchen and sat him on one of the barstools by the kitchen island. Its upholstery felt nice and plush on his bare ass.
“It was just a mistake,” Hammer said, opening the cupboard to pull out a bowl.
Of course he’d say that, when he hadn’t seen the full scope of Dex’s fuckups.
Dex destroyed everything he touched.
“No. I should have double-checked it, but I was so nervous when the website showed me only one ticket remaining that I just… didn’t.” Dex slouched, unsure why he was even sharing the story of his pathetic behavior. Hammer would surely not want to fuck someone this useless, but maybe it didn’t matter anymore since that ship had already sailed. “When my sister found out, she just said ‘Classic Dex’, and she was right. I wish… people expected better of me, but it just makes sense that they don’t. You watched me with the camera because you knew I’d do something dumb, and I did.”
A soft clink made him open his eyes in time to see Hammer closing a cupboard. Hammer added milk to a bowl full of chocolate cereal, and then placed the food in front of Dex along with a spoon. “Eat. The sugar and cocoa will help,” he said and slid onto the other barstool.
A little smile spread Dex’s lips when he looked at the chocolate puffs softening in the milk. He’d forgotten his hunger, but it now came back in full force, and he grabbed the spoon. “Thanks. I’m sorry to dump all that on you, but you asked about the tiger, and the word-vomit just came out.”
“I’m used to it by now. To be fair, it’s kind of growing on me,” Hammer said, watching him. The muscles of his torso stretched as he leaned against the kitchen island, but Dex wasn’t in the mood for sex and was just grateful for Hammer’s care.
The explosion of sugar in Dex’s mouth soothed the soreness in his body and the aches of his soul. “Oh fuck, this is some organic shit! Try it!” He scooted closer and pushed a spoonful at Hammer.
Hammer initially leaned back, but he must have realized it wasn’t an attempt to break his teeth with the spoon and opened up. Frowning, he chewed the food, and eventually relaxed. “Definitely not. Tastes too good to be healthy.”