Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 90475 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 452(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90475 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 452(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)
“So, after the wedding, we had this huge fight,” I begin, then tell her what went down. What I said, what Chase said, how she left, how I left, and how I haven’t talked to Chase since and can’t get Trina out of my head.
“First, you’re pissed at him. I get that,” she says. Then she tilts her head, studies me with those deep blue eyes. “It sounds like you really miss her.”
Part of me wants to deny it, even though I know that’s pointless. Ivy knows me too well and can see right through me. So I just nod instead.
“I miss her like I’d miss breathing,” I finally admit, taking a sip of my beer as if it might give me some courage to go on. “But it’s complicated.”
She laughs at that but shakes her head. “Ryker, of course it’s complicated. That’s why you need to talk to Chase, and then you need to figure out how to breathe again.”
I close my eyes for a second, picturing Trina, how I felt with her. Understood. Accepted. Most of all, I felt trust, coming both ways. From her, from me, and then, honestly, with my best friend too.
It’s so strange, wanting all of that. Wanting to have her both to myself but also with him. Wanting to love her but not just alone. Wanting to give her more love like she deserves.
Would he even want to though? And would she want to hear from us again? No idea, but it’s time to fix everything that’s wrong.
I can’t avoid him much longer. And I don’t want to.
40
WHAT IF IT DOES?
Trina
The door to my studio apartment swings shut as Aubrey and I step inside on Saturday evening. It smells of paint and freshness, and finally I feel some joy in my own space. It’s starting to look like home, especially when Nacho scrambles around my feet to say hi. I scoop up his cuteness and give him a kiss in greeting. “Missed you, but we were only at the farmers’ market for a half hour,” I say.
In dog time, that’s forever, so he takes another minute to kiss me before settling into his bed with a satisfied huff.
I head to the kitchen counter where Aubrey sets the daisies we bought in a vase, then takes a step back to survey the room.
“There,” I say since it’s finally come together, and Aubrey’s been helping me make it look like home. My little home with my little dog. Just us. “Looks good. Thanks to the flowers.”
Aubrey takes in the scene with an approving eye, but then turns on her eagle-eyed-friend vision. “The place looks great, but now that we’re alone, tell me—how are you really doing?”
My heart aches in response. “Sad,” I admit, before quickly pushing away the thought and forcing a more optimistic tone in my voice. “But you know what? It’ll be okay. Eventually it will be okay.”
“You don’t have to be a tough girl with me,” she says as she heads to the couch that came with the place. Furnished studio for the win.
“It’s been almost a week. I’m fine. I’m just fine,” I say, staying strong, keeping my chin up.
“Are you though?” she asks, not letting this go.
She pats the couch, and I join her, slumping against her, grateful to admit the full truth. “I miss them still. I have all week. So much it hurts. But what can I do?”
I sit up, exhaling, trying to let them go once again like I’ve done every day for the last week. I’ve had no luck though. There’s a Chase-and-Ryker-sized hole in my heart, and it shows no signs of mending.
“Well,” she says, meeting my eyes, “you could talk to them.”
I shudder. “Talk. Ugh. What is that? That sounds terrifying.”
She laughs, but then quickly turns serious again. “You could though, Trina,” she urges.
“But I did. I literally told them,” I say, and she knows because she’s heard the story. She heard it the day I drowned my sorrows with her in nachos—well, they’re a favorite—and cheap wine and friendship. “And Chase said nothing, and Ryker basically said hey, I had a good week.”
“I know, but I just think with everything that went down, maybe Chase was really rattled. I think he was truly trying to help. And I think Ryker was pissed because he’s already madly in love with you.”
I wish I had her optimism. Truly, I do. “That doesn’t mean he wants to be with me. And it’s fine. I mean, who finds their two true loves a few weeks after a horrible ex cheats on them? That stuff doesn’t happen.”
The stuff that does happen is this—longing, missing, wanting. But then, figuring out how to move on. I’ll have to do that, even though I ache terribly for the two men I never expected to fall for.