Total pages in book: 125
Estimated words: 119152 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 596(@200wpm)___ 477(@250wpm)___ 397(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119152 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 596(@200wpm)___ 477(@250wpm)___ 397(@300wpm)
I laugh cynically. “You don’t understand shit.”
“Excuse me?”
“I didn’t stutter, sweetheart. I said you don’t know shit. That woman doesn’t deserve sympathy.” Ah, there it is. The fire in her gaze. Her anger. It sure beats the sympathy face.
“Ben, she’s your mother. She lost the love of her life. A bond so strong, a piece of her died with him.”
“Yeah, and I might as well have lost both my parents!” Jesus Christ, what the hell am I doing? She comes closer, but I stumble to the couch and fall back into it, dismissing her.
“It’s just too messed up. Every year, we go through this. The garden. The hope. It’s not bad enough that he’s gone. She has to keep reliving it over and over. He’s fucking gone. He’s not coming back.” My throat locks up. I brush my hands down my face and wipe away my tears, letting out a frustrated growl. Fuck!
The couch dips beside me. “I’m sorry you’re hurting.” Her palm rests against my thigh. My head falls back against the couch, and I angle it to look at her. God, she’s so beautiful. A bright light that shines just for me. I wonder if this is how they felt. I wonder how it would feel if I lost her. Another shameful tear falls. She reaches up and swipes it away with her thumb.
“I’m sorry for being an ass. For earlier. My head isn’t right.”
“You don’t need to apologize—”
“I do. I keep this part of my life very private. And today, I unleashed it on you. I shouldn’t have. You didn’t deserve that.”
“I deserve to understand who you are. If we’re going to do this, I want to know every part of you—the good and the bad.”
“Even if it’s me being pathetic?” I wipe away another tear. “God, I’m a piece of shit. Look at me.”
Instead of running for the hills like she should, she climbs into my lap, surprising me. “I am looking at you.”
“Then why are you still here?”
“I’m exactly where I want to be. In the arms of a man I admire. For his strengths and his weaknesses. He’s not perfect and doesn’t try to be. He makes me feel safe and wanted. And because I lost a parent I loved dearly too. It doesn’t go away. I’m still here because I understand. And I forgive you.”
My hands slide up her thighs, and I pull her closer. “You shouldn’t.”
“Maybe not. But you know me, I’m a glutton for punishment.” I pull her even closer, burrowing my face into her chest. Her closeness comforts me. I should have come straight home with her. Basked in her beauty instead of taking the weak way out and getting drunk. “Hey. . .” I pull back. She gazes down at me with such sincerity, a knot forms in my throat. What did I ever do to deserve someone like her? “Let’s go to bed, okay?”
“Yeah.”
She slides off me, and I hate the absence of her weight. She waits for me to stand as I wobble sideways.
“Fuck. I’m sorry.”
“You will be when you wake up in the morning.”
She’s not wrong. After walking me down the hall, she helps me undress, and we climb into bed. I lay on my side, and she does the same. I inhale a long breath. “Mak. . .” I start, needing to tell her what’s been on my mind. “I. . .”
And I pass out.
Chapter 29
Makayla
I stir in my sleep. What little I got anyway. Ben tossed and turned all night, keeping me awake. It wasn’t until early morning that he finally settled. I turn on my side to face him. To my surprise, he’s already awake, eyes trained on me.
“Hey,” I say. His eyes are still red, and he looks worn down. “You look like you haven’t slept.”
“I haven’t really.” His hand grazes my cheek, tucking hair behind my ear. “Are you okay?”
Everything he’s going through, and he’s worried if I’m okay? “Are you okay?” I return his question.
Guilt seeps from his sullen gaze. “No. The way I treated you last night. . . I’m an asshole.” He cups my cheek. “Mak, I’m so damn sorry.”
“You’re not an asshole. But I accept your apology with the stipulation that you’ll make it up to me.”
Ben’s chest rumbles with laughter. “Ah. . . payback. Well deserved. I give you permission to post those tank top pics.”
“Oh, that’s already happening. I have a way better idea in mind.” I force his back against the mattress and straddle him. “But, for real, are you okay?”
Raw emotion spreads across his face. He sighs deeply, grabbing at my waist. “Yes and no. I need to figure my shit out. I know I’m harboring a lot of resentment toward my mom. And I need to be at peace with my dad’s death.”