Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 106806 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106806 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
He stops dancing. “Today was me finally getting to touch the woman who walked away from me eight years ago. Today was me crossing a line because I fucking love you.”
“You never said it. All you would’ve had to do to keep me from walking out that door was say the words, but I’m supposed to believe them now?”
He takes my chin in his hand, turning me to look at him as he scans my face. “I’m not the scared kid I was back then. I believed you’d still walk away, even if you knew, and I didn’t think I could survive that, so I never said the words and I let you go. And I have regretted both every day since.”
“You just disappeared.” The words don’t come from my mouth so much as my chest. “You left town without a word to me.”
“My father died, and I . . . I was such a mess. I wanted you but didn’t think you’d ever be able to forgive me or ever be able to accept me for the imperfect mess I’ve always been.”
“We’re all imperfect.”
“Not you.” He tucks a loose lock of hair behind my ear. “You were always perfect for me. If you gave me another chance, I would stick around for every second of it. I would let you shatter my heart if it meant one moment of feeling your love again.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Why are you doing this now?”
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for lying about who Charles was to me.” He swallows hard. “I’m sorry for never having the courage to tell you how I feel before now, but for what it’s worth, when I came to your apartment, I truly had myself convinced that you two weren’t really together. Maybe I was so desperate for this ring to be a lie that I was imagining things, but believe me when I say that my end game has never had anything to do with Alec. This is about you. And I hope you’ll listen to me when I say, don’t marry him if he isn’t everything you want. Regardless of how you feel about me.”
When I don’t answer, he drops his hands, putting distance between us. “I hate that my timing made any part of you think this was about him. I loved you long before you met my brother, and I will love you long after you marry him.” His throat bobs as he swallows. “You deserve the hero, Savvy. You always have. And for all my objections, there’s nothing that hurts more than knowing I’ve finally convinced you that hero can’t be me.”
He steps back, and I watch him walk across the patio and whisper something to his sister. She glances toward me briefly before nodding and hugging him.
I’m aware of every step as he makes his way to the exit, and the rest of the night I catch myself looking for him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
ALEC
“Congratulations, by the way,” Portentia says as we walk to a quieter spot at the side of The Orchid. “On the engagement, I mean. She’s a very lucky woman to get to spend her life with you.”
I’m so sick of this lie. So sick of myself and my old anger and hurt. “We’re not really engaged, Portentia.”
She stops walking and turns, scanning my face. “What?”
I study her and wonder how long it’s been since I let myself really look at her, really look into those brown eyes, really absorb the impact of her beautiful features. Probably not since college. Not since the day I caught Oliver comforting her after their trip to the hospital.
“It seemed easier to pretend Savvy and I were together than to have my mother push you at me all weekend.”
“Wow.” She flinches then shakes her head. “But you love her. That’s not pretend. I see it in the way you look at her.”
I hold her gaze. “Love doesn’t always go both ways. No matter how much we want it to.”
She tilts her head to the side. “I never stopped loving you, Alec. I loved you through every stupid decision I made.”
“But you loved him more?”
“I loved you both,” she says softly. “And like an idiot, I tried to have you both.”
We should’ve had this conversation back in college, but I wouldn’t hear her out. I was too crushed at the time to consider that maybe we both needed it. “It wasn’t your fault. Oliver should have never—”
“It was.” Tears well in her eyes. “It was my fault because when I started spending time with Oliver my freshman year, I fell hard for him, but our parents had this idea about you and me getting married, so I made him keep us a secret.”
I frown. “I don’t understand.”
“I was already dating Oliver before I ever went out with you.” She stares at her feet. “I told myself it didn’t matter because you and I wouldn’t have any chemistry and it wouldn’t go anywhere. I told myself we’d go on a few dates and that was it.”