Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 58150 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 291(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58150 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 291(@200wpm)___ 233(@250wpm)___ 194(@300wpm)
“Did I miss something?” he asks.
“The whole pressure cooker comment.”
Lennon waves me off. “That? Wouldn’t be Noah without a little shit stirring. It’s not even worth thinking about.”
“Our future isn’t worth thinking about?”
He cocks his head. “Is that what I said?”
“Basically,” I mutter.
“Okay, what’s up? Are you trying to pick a fight or something?”
“No.” Yes. Maybe.
“Noah’s words are not worth thinking about because he was trying to get a reaction out of us,” Lennon says.
“I guess with all the proposals and weddings and babies, I thought he had a point.”
“He did?”
Okay, so an hour ago, I would’ve said no, but now … “Guess not. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”
Lennon scoffs. “That sounds convincing.”
I throw up my hands. “Well, shit, I don’t know. Do you ever think about that stuff?”
“Marriage and kids? Not really.”
“You don’t think about our future?”
“Our future, sure. But more along the lines of, what happens if Ollie’s traded next season? What happens if I ever get the balls to accept one of those on-air auditions?”
I’m confused. “I thought you weren’t interested in them.”
“I’m not, but not because I don’t want to do it. It’s because I don’t think I can.”
I hate when Lennon questions himself and his amazing journalistic talent. He has a way of seeing things in the game that other people don’t. And it doesn’t matter which sport he’s watching. Football, baseball, or hockey. He’s knowledgeable in all of them. He can sense tension between teammates, if someone’s covering an injury, and he can spot every single mistake a player makes. Nothing gets by him.
Which is why he’d make a great sportscaster. But whenever it’s come up, he has always turned it down immediately, saying he’d be a nervous wreck on-screen and that won’t make for good sports.
“You know my opinion on that,” I say.
“Yeah, that I should go for it even though it’d be a disaster and you would get to mock me endlessly for being a stuttering idiot on YouTube. You want me to become a viral meme.”
“Nah, that’d just be a bonus.”
Lennon smiles.
“Do you think you’ll ever get the balls to say yes?”
“Maybe if the right offer came along. Like, in New York, more money than I’m earning now, flexibility for during the hockey season when I want to sneak into your hotel room during away games.”
Well, technically, I leave the hotel and sneak into his, but that’s not his point.
“And what happens if I’m traded in your vision of the future?” I ask.
“I can do my out athletes articles from anywhere.”
That doesn’t answer me. Ever since he turned down his original offer from Sports Illustrated, I’ve felt guilty while still enjoying the benefits of having Lennon in the same city as me. It worked out because he ended up being offered a full-time job with them anyway, but I’ve had a boyfriend who sacrificed a lot for me in the past, and maybe I’m worried that Lennon is making the same mistakes Ash made.
I don’t want someone to put their future on hold for me when I don’t even know what I want.
Lennon is someone I want in my life forever—that’s not what I’m questioning. I want to be with him as long as he’ll put up with me, but … what if what I have to give isn’t enough?
“Don’t you want more?” I ask. “Like, if you listed your top three goals for the rest of your life, what would they be?”
Lennon doesn’t even hesitate. “You, an on-air position, and Chris Hemsworth.”
“Hmm, do we get to share Chris?”
“Of course. What’s mine is yours.”
“Seriously though. What would that third thing be?” I hold my breath while I wait for the answer, which doesn’t come as fast.
In fact, he hesitates awhile.
“Happiness,” he finally says.
“How vague of you.”
“Ollie, if you’re asking me if I want marriage and kids just hoping I give you the answer you want, that’s not going to happen. My opinion on the issue isn’t one way or another. Do I think about having kids? Not really. That’s probably in the no basket for me because I had a hard time growing up with bullies, and I don’t think I could handle seeing my child go through that. Does that mean I wouldn’t consider having kids if you wanted them? For you, I’ll consider anything. Kids aren’t a deal breaker for me either way. Marriage is pretty much the same deal. I’ve definitely thought about it, but I don’t need it to be happy.”
“Tell me what you need to be happy, because your answer is still vague.”
Lennon takes my hands and looks up into my eyes. “Happiness is what we make it, and I don’t think we need to meet certain criteria society deems as accomplishments to achieve it.”
Fucking hell. How do I get to be with this guy? What good deed did I do in a past life to have someone so perfect in this one?