Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 79040 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79040 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 395(@200wpm)___ 316(@250wpm)___ 263(@300wpm)
“I don’t know,” Dani says. “I just wonder. I mean, what if he really was going to tell you?”
“So what?” I say. “He lied to me. He already proved he would lie to me and deceive me. Do any of the other details even matter?”
This is a conversation Dani and I have circled about a thousand times. Gemmaline is kind of on Dani’s side and thinks I should at least hear him out. Roxie agrees with me and thinks I should slash his tires. Maddie suggested photoshopping him on some posters to hang up around town, but I think she just wants the excuse to prank more people. She has been begging me to tick off more items on our brainstorming board for Vaughn pranks, but I haven’t had the energy or motivation. I just want to keep moving on from all of it.
All I feel is drained. I’m disappointed and empty. Finishing the book does feel good, but the happiness doesn’t last. It’s like I started this book in a different life, and I can remember what it was supposed to mean to me to be finished. But that’s as far as it goes. It’s like the memory of meaning. It’s not sinking in the way it should, and that makes me feel even more empty.
Dani sighs. “I hate this for you. You guys seemed so good together.”
“I guess that’s the problem with relationships,” I say. “It’s not really that hard to be on your best behavior at first. It’s not hard to manipulate and trick people. And once you’ve been through that, how are you supposed to ever trust someone again? How do you stop looking behind every corner and wondering what else they’re not being honest about?”
Dani purses her lips. She just started dating a guy from the vet clinic where she works last week, and I know what she’s probably wanting to say. To her credit, she doesn’t voice it. Whatever she’s thinking is probably some optimistic take on trust and love from someone who is still in the early days of the honeymoon phase with a brand new boyfriend. It’s almost funny that I think of her relationship as so young and innocent, considering I only fake dated Jameson for three weeks before things blew up. It felt like so much more, though.
“So,” she says. “What is the next step now that it’s finished?”
I know she means the book, but I can’t help thinking she’s talking about how finished me and Jameson are. Another familiar pang of sadness rings through me, reminding me how hollowed out I feel now.
“I try to get published.”
“I’m guessing Landmark is ruled out?”
I laugh. “Um, yeah. And so is Gray Wolfe.”
“Why? So you and one of the bosses hooked up and it didn’t work out. Does that have to mean anything for the business of publishing your book?”
“I can’t get involved with Jameson again. And I want to earn this. I don’t want some kind of charity from him.”
“Charli,” Dani says with a voice that reminds me of Mom. “What matters? People reading your book, or how it gets in their hands?”
I sigh. “I just can’t, okay? If I stop and think about it too long, it’ll only hurt worse. I’m going to keep moving forward and just… not.”
“What about Vaughn?”
“What about him?”
“He hasn’t reached out? Isn’t he pissed that you got the better of him?”
I shrug. “I blocked his number, remember? I’m sure he’s pissed. I hope he’s tearing his hair out.”
She grins. “You really got him back. Like, I’m proud of you. Fuck around and find out, right? You made sure he found out.”
I smile a little. I’d like to pretend I’m a big enough person that I don’t care, but I’d be lying. It feels good to know how thoroughly I won. Vaughn didn’t just try to take my book. He tried to take a piece of me. Now I can say I took back just as much from him, and at least I know there’s some justice in the universe. It is certainly a win, but the victory feels empty in my current circumstances.
“Did you ever find out what Aubrey’s angle was?” Dani asks.
“No,” I say. “But she at least knew something was up. She got really weird when we asked about who actually wrote the book at the mixer. I mean, obviously she knows she didn’t write it. But, yeah, I don’t know why she agreed to play along with Vaughn.”
“You should ask her.”
“What?”
Dani sits up straighter, eyes lighting up. “Ask her. Don’t you want to know?”
I lick my lips. “Kind of? But that seems like a bad idea. What if she tries to have me murdered or something? I’m guessing I’m not her favorite person right now.”
“Meet her at a coffee shop or something and scream if she does anything weird. You’ll be fine.”