Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 89012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 445(@200wpm)___ 356(@250wpm)___ 297(@300wpm)
And?
“The sun came up, sweetheart. Sometimes its rays can be so strong it blinds you for a moment. Even when you can’t see it, on the cloudiest of days, it’s still there, causing burns.”
My soul stills.
Mom’s eyes search mine. “I’ve been scared twice in my life—when I married your father and when I had you. I mean, I’ve been scared at other times but not like that. I was scared to drop out of college, to leave your father, and also to job hunt after being a stay-at-home mom. But I knew I’d figure out those things eventually.” She leans against the counter. “But when I got married and when I had you, I was scared. Soul-shaking, knees-wobbling, cry-in-the-shower scared.”
“Should’ve been a red flag with Dad.”
She shakes her head. “No, because I loved him. And that was real and true and good, even if he didn’t reciprocate it after some time. The point is that the two moments that have wrecked me like no other were the two moments that changed my life dramatically. That attached my soul to someone else’s. I acknowledged I was giving a piece of my heart away to both of you. That suddenly, I was going to have to feel things times two, and then three.”
“What are you saying, Mom?”
“I’m saying that you’re questioning things right now because it’s the right thing. You’re doing what’s healthy. What’s smart. And of course, you’re scared—you’re scared because you’re in love. If you weren’t scared, I’d tell you to move on. That he’s not the one.”
My chest burns as tears fill my eyes yet again. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You’ll figure it out.”
I throw up my arms. “What kind of answer is that?”
“The honest one.” She goes back to her apples. “I’ve known you would end up with that kid since the day he showed up at your birthday party in third grade. He bought you a Barbie umbrella. Do you remember that?”
I grin. “I do. I’d forgotten that.”
“He was smitten with you then.”
“But what if he doesn’t come back to me? What if he decides that he doesn’t want this responsibility?”
“That’s exactly how it works. You move on to the next thing. Every happening can’t be a cataclysmic event with six kids in the family or else you’d be in panic mode all the time. You stand, brush yourself off, and keep going.”
My fingers tremble as I rub my finger over my gaudy wedding ring.
“Then you, my child, don’t believe in love,” she says.
She takes another apple out of the bag and peels it. Methodically, she runs the knife just below the skin in one long, smooth ribbon.
My head is stuffed, overflowing, and I can’t make sense of all of this.
“I’m going to go,” I say. “Thanks for talking to me.”
She looks up and smiles. “It pains me to have to watch you hurt.”
“Then why are you smiling?”
“Because the sun isn’t aimed at me. I know as soon as you acclimate to it, you’ll feel its warmth too.”
Whatever. “Bye, Aristotle.”
She laughs as I walk out the door.
THIRTY
Maddox
“Why are you here so early?” Tati stops outside my office door. “You’re never here before me.”
I look up from my desk, head in my hands, shoulders slumped.
“Oh. May I come in?” she asks.
“You’re going to start asking now?”
“Good point.”
She comes in and sits across from me looking all breezy and put together. I haven’t had another shower since the one I took after I got home from jail two days ago.
I got to the office three hours ago—well before most of the staff was even awake in their beds. But I couldn’t sleep, Banks was passed out on the couch, and I couldn’t pace anymore.
At least, not in the same space. I paced here. Different view.
“Okay,” she says. “Talk.”
“I’m the boss, remember?”
She fakes a smile. “I know you got arrested. I also know why. I’m sure you’re not loving that things got out of control like that, but they did because you were protecting your woman. It’s instinct.”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t call you at home yesterday to talk about it. But now you’re here, so talk.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Did I pose that as a question? Weird. I don’t remember doing that.”
My hand falls to my desk and I lift my head. Why does it feel like it weighs ten pounds? “Sounds like you know what happened. What’s there to talk about?”
“This … mess.” She draws a circle in the air around my face. “That’s not about you getting in a fight. Why do you look like you slept in that shirt last night?”
I glance down. The green polo is wrinkled as hell. It does look like I slept in it last night.
“Banks tried to do some of my laundry while I was gone. I didn’t have the energy to iron it.”
She snorts.