Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 103918 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 520(@200wpm)___ 416(@250wpm)___ 346(@300wpm)
The response that followed left me giddy and horrified at the same time.
"I can't."
Chapter Six
Gideon
I didn't even know how it happened. I'd gone from watching Lex's expression soften when I’d talked about Neil Mitchum's penchant for wanting to give people rides around town without the benefit of a vehicle to do it with to witnessing the outburst that had followed. And now here we were with me holding him against the wall pretty much against his will, and no matter how many times I told my fingers to release him, they wouldn't follow through on the order.
I’d spent the better part of the afternoon working to make it so Lex could go home to the cabin he was renting. I'd made sure the generator was still going so the place would start heating up and then I'd located Lex’s insulin pump controller so I could get it charging. Then I’d gone searching the area around the generator for his phone. By the time I’d found it, the power had kicked back in and I'd been able to get the generator turned off and reset for the next time it would be needed.
I'd also spent a considerable amount of time trying to make it easier for Lex to move about the cabin without risk of hurting himself. I'd moved smaller pieces of furniture closer to the walls so he wouldn't trip over them and so they’d be there for him to brace himself on as he moved around. I'd also used some double-sided tape to make sure the edges of the few area rugs in the cabin were secure. I'd gotten rid of the smaller ones altogether so there was no risk of Lex tripping on them. I'd also righted the kitchen and plugged in the phone I'd grabbed from one of the other cabins into the landline on the first floor so Lex would have access to a telephone both upstairs and downstairs.
The entire time I'd worked to make it so I could get Lex out of my house, I'd obsessed over whether or not he was okay. I hadn't even been gone that long, but the sixty minutes had felt like sixty days. I'd left Brewer at home so Lex wouldn't feel scared when he woke up, but I'd still been concerned about him. When I’d gotten home and found him standing in the middle of my living room, still wearing only his underwear and my sweatshirt, I hadn't liked the flurry of emotions that had gone through me.
Primarily relief to see that he was okay.
But also that strange, not entirely uncomfortable sensation that came over me as I took in the lines of his body. That was why I'd been so silent. I’d been trying to make sense of what I was feeling, and the truth was hard to accept.
I was attracted to him.
I’d tried really hard to pass off my perusal of his body as if I was looking at it from a photographer's perspective, but there was no denying how my dick reacted to the sight of him. While I'd been preparing Birch Cabin for his return, my brain had decided it was a good time for me to remember some things that I hadn't given enough weight to in my past. Particularly, that Lex wasn't the first man I'd taken extra notice of.
While I'd only ever considered myself attracted to women, there had been a few times when I’d noticed a guy who was particularly fit or good-looking. Again, I’d passed it off as me wanting to see the man through my photographer’s lens, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe it'd meant something completely different.
I'd been with my ex since we'd been teenagers, so there hadn't been any other lovers besides her. Sex outside of my marriage hadn't been something I ever would've considered, even when my ex and I had separated. I'd noticed plenty of women and been attracted to them, but I'd never acted on it. And while I might not have necessarily given the same level of attention to another man, I had to wonder if maybe I'd worked just a little too hard to make excuses for why my eyes would sometimes linger on a particular guy or why his cologne or his voice would be something I'd hang on to long after he was gone.
Now, with my body almost flush with Lex's as I held him against the wall, there was just no denying what I was feeling. Lex had thought I was ignoring him just to be cruel, but I hadn't been ignoring him at all.
What I'd been doing hadn't been much better, though. I'd taken advantage of the fact that Lex couldn't see me studying his body and how I reacted to it. I’d started with his feet and worked my way up his legs. I'd waited for the knowledge that they were hairy instead of smooth to turn me off, but all I’d wanted to know was what they would feel like. I’d wanted to trace the shape of his calf muscles with my fingers. His thighs were slim but muscular and I'd had this image of them gripping my hips as I lay on top of him. My eyes had dwelled far too long on the bulge in his underwear. By the time I’d gotten to his abdomen, I’d been sweating and hard and doing my best not to close the distance between us so I could use my hands to examine the rest of his body.