Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 91149 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91149 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
“Sorry you’re stuck here inside with me today,” I say.
Bowie Jane shrugs. “I don’t mind. I like hanging out with you. Plus, Mazzy and I have something planned that will be fun.”
I give her the side eye. “Does it involve putting makeup on me and painting my nails, because if so… I’m going to take a hard pass.”
Laughing, my daughter shakes her head. “It’s something we’ve been working on together the past few weeks and we figured today would be a good time to show you.”
“When did you decide that since we were supposed to go ice skating?”
“When you were napping,” she says. “We made plans while you snored.”
Mazzy returns from the kitchen with another cup of tea and a large tumbler full of Gatorade. Setting them on the flat tray perched on one of the soft ottomans, she pulls it closer to me. “Be a good boy and drink,” she says and starts to turn away.
My hand latches onto her wrist and she looks back at me. “Only if you give me a kiss.”
Mazzy’s eyes dart over to Bowie Jane and back to me, because this isn’t asking for a sweet kiss to the cheek or forehead. She can tell by my tone that I’m asking for a kiss on the mouth, and that’s not something we’ve done in front of Bowie Jane yet. I risk a glance over at my kid, and she’s staring at Mazzy with interest. I know one thing is for sure—my daughter very much enjoys the playful banter I always have going with Mazzy, which has become more personal as we grow closer.
Things definitely changed after me and my teammates saw her perform a week ago. I outed myself to them by kissing her and made it clear I have deep feelings by a nasty display of jealousy, which Mazzy herself witnessed. In a very short time, it was declared that I’m in a relationship with a woman I’m crazy about, and most importantly, Mazzy echoed those sentiments back to me.
She did that not only in her willingness to set boundaries with Leo, but she spoke those things from her heart that night as we sat up in the living room talking. Bowie Jane was upstairs sound asleep where she’d been since we arrived home and relieved the babysitter.
We’re navigating how to have a complete relationship around a ten-year-old. While it’s one thing for Bowie Jane to know that Mazzy and I are dating, she doesn’t need to know that we’re intimate. And it’s not because she can’t handle that, because I know she can, but rather I want to be able to have a very serious conversation with her about the care that’s needed to take that step with a person. The level of commitment required. It has to be a teaching opportunity for her that she can pull on when she enters into her own intimate relationships.
When she’s like, thirty.
Back to the kiss… I tug Mazzy’s wrist. “One kiss.” I point to my mouth. “Right here.”
She wrinkles her nose. “You have cooties.”
“I do not,” I exclaim, affronted by the off-putting word. “My fever is gone and I’m not coughing due to that disgusting stuff you made me drink. Just one kiss.”
Mazzy contemplates by tapping a finger to her chin. She slides her gaze to Bowie Jane. “What do you think?”
“Kissing is gross,” she says with a grimace. “Alicia at school said she kissed Christian on the playground and it was wet—”
“What the hell?” I exclaim as I sit up against the pillows, releasing my hold on Mazzy. “Kissing is absolutely gross. You are not to kiss boys, okay?”
Bowie Jane giggles and Mazzy laughs so hard she doubles at the waist. Giving me a playful tap to my shoulder, she says, “Great job, Einstein. You just ensured that we will have to be Puritan at all times in front of your kid.”
“Okay… no, wait.” I backpedal because I want to be able to kiss Mazzy whenever I feel like it or come up behind her and give her a squeezing hug. I want to be able to do those things in front of Bowie Jane and have my daughter recognize them as signs of love.
Well, not love, but great care and affection.
Maybe love.
Not sure because it’s been so long since I felt that emotion for a woman, and I’m also not sure if what I felt for Sandra was truly love. We were so fucking young and married for the wrong reasons.
What I do know is that I care for Mazzy on such a profound level, it makes me think I never really knew what romantic love was. The genuine kind you share with a life partner, built from shared values, where you put in the hard work to keep it thriving. Because that’s what Mazzy and I have developed.