Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 170885 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 854(@200wpm)___ 684(@250wpm)___ 570(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 170885 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 854(@200wpm)___ 684(@250wpm)___ 570(@300wpm)
“You okay?” he asks as he stops beside me. His voice isn’t right. It’s too careful. Too restrained. Definitely does not fit the Lan I knew my entire life.
I nod.
“Glyn, get out,” he says.
“No.” Her gaze is alarmed as she looks at me.
“It’s okay,” I say with a smile. “Go.”
She gives me an unsure glance before she hugs me and narrows her eyes on our brother. “You better not say anything funny, Lan.”
He doesn’t reply or even look at her. His intense attention remains on me until the door closes behind her, his hand curling and uncurling into a fist.
“You’re going to punch me for daring to hurt your identical twin?” I try to joke to break the tension.
That only manages to make a vein throb in his neck, nearly popping from the skin. “I’d kill for you, I’d shoot myself if that makes you breathe better without me shadowing you, but I’d never…ever hurt you, Bran.”
My lips part and I stare at his tight expression and know that he means every word.
“I was kidding,” I breathe out.
“Don’t joke about shit like that. Your life is not a fucking joke. Fuck!” His chest rises and falls in heavy succession and I’m seriously scared he’ll pop a vein or have a stroke.
I shift in the bed, the injury in my neck burning and itching for some reason. “Lan—”
“I’m sorry.”
The words nearly split me open. It’s different to hear that from Mum and Dad or even Glyn, but this is Lan. He never, ever apologizes. Not even when he nearly drove Mia away for good.
I thought I’d come down from the emotional high, but they rush back to the surface until my own chest is heaving.
Our harsh breaths echo in the damn hospital room that witnessed me at my lowest.
“What are you sorry for?”
“For not pursuing you that night. For thinking it was because of the rumors and letting it go at that. I’m sorry for allowing you to hate me without doing anything about it.”
“I never hated you, Lan. I hated myself, yes, but never you.” I release a mock laugh. “You were the half I looked at whenever I needed hope. Seeing you being your unapologetic, confident anarchist self made me believe I’d eventually be okay. You gave me strength, even unknowingly, so you shouldn’t apologize. This isn’t on you, it’s on me. You couldn’t have known when I didn’t let you in. And I didn’t let anyone in.”
“What can I do?” he asks with a wretched expression. “What can I do to stop you from doing that again? I don’t understand emotions, but you do, Bran. You do spectacularly well, and I’m asking, no, I’m begging you to tell me what I can do to make it better. Should I fuck off out of your life? Cut contact? Not visit Mum and Dad while you’re there? Will my disappearance stop you from having that nonsensical inferiority complex?”
“That’s about the worst thing you can do, Lan. I need you by my side. I always have. Pretending I didn’t is what shoved me into that dark hole in the first place.” I smile. “I never felt happier than when you asked me to teach you empathy. I was proud that you needed me for once.”
“I always needed you, idiot. I used that as an excuse to spend time with you because you’d made it your mission to avoid me for the past eight years. I fucking hated that. You were supposed to be the one who understood me best, but you turned your back on me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. Just…stop doing that. Give the middle finger instead. Works so much fucking better.”
“If I do that, will you stop being so agitated? You’re starting to creep me out.”
He expels a long breath and nods once.
“Come here.” I open my arms and I suspect he’ll push me away since he’s allergic to showing affection.
However, my brother slides right between my arms and hugs me for the first time since that night eight years ago.
He breathes shakily against my shoulder, his hands pressing me so tightly that it actually hurts. But I must be hurting him, too.
“I love you, little bro,” he whispers. “I need you to know that. I need you to know you’re the first person I loved unconditionally and always will. I might annoy you, might act like a dick to get your attention, but that’s only because the thought of losing you scares the living fuck out of me.”
“Love you, too, Lan.” I exhale against his neck, my chest nearly bursting with emotions.
We remain like that for what seems like forever before he reluctantly pulls back. “You tell anyone what I said just now and I’ll deny it till the day I die.”
I laugh. “I got you, bro.”
“Damn straight.” His charming smile spills through, and my brother finally returns to sporting his eternal cockiness.