Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84247 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84247 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“No, sweetheart. You’re just human. Who wouldn’t be?”
I paused, looked down at what I was doing as I tried to sort through all the thoughts in my head. “I, um…I love him. Knox, I mean. He says he loves me too, and I believe him, of course. It shocks the hell out of me—”
“Not me. How can someone not love you?”
I smiled. “You have to say that. You’re my mom.”
We snickered together.
“But yeah, Knox isn’t the type of guy to say something he doesn’t mean, ya know? Regardless, there’s this fear that he’s going to change his mind, realize he doesn’t love me or decide he doesn’t want to be with a man or doesn’t want something serious. That the kids won’t be on board, or Charlie will hate me, and he’ll have to do what’s right for them. Of course he would. I expect nothing else, but I…I want them, Mama. I feel like I belong. I never knew I wanted a family, and maybe I only do because it’s them, but I want them. I’m so scared it’s going to get screwed up and I’m going to lose them.”
“Oh, sweetheart. That’s a normal, healthy fear. We’re all a little afraid of being alone. It’s frightening when it matters, and that’s part of how you know it really does matter.”
“Well, that’s no fun. Can’t there be a better way to be sure than fear?”
“No,” she replied seriously. “But the thing is, you’re in there, even though you’re afraid. It takes a lot of guts to do that. A lot of us walk away, steer clear of stuff we’re terrified of. It’s easier not to put ourselves out there so we don’t have to risk the pain. You’ve always been braver than me, though.”
“What are you afraid of, Mama?”
She waved her hand dismissively, as if I was being foolish. “Nothin’. I’m just an old lady rambling.”
“That’s not true. You know, trust is a two-way street. Whatever it is, whatever it always has been—and I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t realize it was something until moving here—you can tell me.”
Mom’s chin quivered, but she brushed it off, shook her head like she wasn’t close to crying. “You always did have an active imagination. Now, are you going to teach me how to make these enchiladas or what? Then maybe we can watch a movie together.”
I was silent a moment, hoping she would look at me, hoping she would open up, but she didn’t. And I couldn’t push. I was a big believer in letting people talk when they were ready. “Yeah, Mama. I’d like that. And I’m always here for you.”
“I know,” she said softly, which was the first time she’d admitted in any way that there was something to tell.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Knox
“Who wants pancakes for breakfast?” I asked.
Logan was sitting in a chair at the table, a book beside him. My Charlie-girl was on her knees on another chair, waving wildly. “I do! I do!”
Logan said, “We should have some kind of protein with it. That’s what Callum says, even if it’s something like yogurt.” He still wasn’t big on vegetables, but I loved that he was taking after Callum in some ways and starting to think about eating right.
“Good point. Hmm, let me see what we have.” I was hoping this would be a good lead-in for me to start speaking about Callum. The kids had been home a few days now, and we hadn’t seen each other. I’d taken some time off work to be with the kids. I wanted to give it a little while just the three of us before I introduced Cal to Charlie.
“You talk about him a lot,” she told Logan.
“That’s because he’s my friend, buttface. He’s Dad’s friend too.”
“Whatever, four eyes!” Charlie countered.
“Hey! Both of you, stop it. It’s not okay to name-call.” I pointed the spatula at Logan. “And you should know better. You’re older and you started it.”
“Sorry,” Logan grumbled, opening his book.
I went to the fridge and pulled out the turkey bacon, which had taken some getting used to, and set it on the counter. “How about this: since we’re adding turkey bacon, that’s our healthy, and that means we can put chocolate chips in our pancakes. Is that a good deal?”
“Yes!” they both answered excitedly. Logan might be considering what he ate a little more, but he was still a kid.
I got out a skillet, turned on the stove, and set the bacon in the pan before grabbing the stuff for the pancakes. “So…how would you guys feel if maybe we picked Callum up today and we all went to Pike’s State Park? Remember we went there last summer? They have those climbing trees you like, Charlie, and that little petting zoo. We can maybe bring some lunch and rent bikes and spend the day there.”