Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
***
Carly put down the laundry she was folding and ran to the door when she spotted me.
“You’re back!” She wrapped her arms around me.
“Hey, Carly…” I took a long whiff of her scent.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” I squeezed her tighter. “So much, baby.”
She pulled back, looking surprised. “Really?”
I leaned in to kiss her forehead. “Really…”
I sat down next to Scottie on the couch, interrupting his internet surfing. “I missed you, too, buddy.”
At first, he barely made eye contact with me. Then he finally looked at me before pressing the “take bath” icon on his app.
“Not yet.” I laughed, getting up from the sofa. “Soon, though, okay?”
Carly stood across from me. “How was the ride?”
I rubbed my hand over her arm. “Long.”
“Did everything go smoothly moving out of your apartment?”
“Thankfully, the landlord is keeping all my furniture. He got it for a steal.”
“At least you don’t have to deal with moving it.”
“Exactly.”
“Your boss is okay with everything?”
“For now, yeah. We’ll see how it goes. There’ll be times I’ll have to travel back to Chicago, but I’ll get coverage for Scottie when that happens. Hopefully it will all work out.”
She looked down. The uncertainty I knew she was grappling with was tangible. That was my fault. I’d left everything in limbo before I went to Chicago. That’s because I’d still been hanging on to the guilt that was holding me back. Not anymore.
“Are you okay?” I asked her.
“Yeah.” She feigned a smile. “I’m just not sure where things stand. It’s sort of been eating at me.”
“I had a feeling I knew what you were thinking.” I caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers. “Well, I’ve been thinking, too. About us. I was gonna wait to have this conversation until Scottie went to bed, but I see now that it can’t wait another second.”
She put her hand over her heart, as if bracing herself. That pained me. I understood why she’d assume this was going to hurt. I’d conditioned her to think the worst for so long, pushed her away for too long. Not anymore.
I took her hand in mine. “Carly, I let you go because I thought the worst thing I could do to Brad was love you. So I tried to stop it from happening, as if it were a choice.” Squeezing her hand, I looked deeply into her beautiful green eyes. “But I’ve realized I can’t stop loving you. And even if I tell myself I shouldn’t or can’t, it doesn’t matter. I still do.” I took a deep breath. “I love you, Carly Garber. I love you so much, and I don’t want you to leave. Ever. I want you here in this hole in the wall in the woods with us. But only if you want to be. I know it’s a lot to ask you to leave your clients out there and—”
“There’s nothing more I want, Josh.” Tears stained her eyes. “I’ve never been happier than being here with you two. Everything I need is here.” She looked over at Scottie and back at me. “I’ve just been waiting for you to ask.” She wrapped her hands around my face. “And, oh my God, I love you, too!”
My body finally relaxed. As our lips locked, all I could think was that I couldn’t wait until Scottie was asleep tonight.
I broke our kiss to add something. “I want to emphasize that I want you to stay not because I need your help, but because I don’t want to be apart from you again. I can’t imagine my life without you.”
She massaged my hair. “You struggled with feelings of guilt for so long. What changed?”
“I’ve known I loved you for a while. I knew I needed to tell you how I felt when I got back from this trip, but something happened on the drive home today.” I looked up at the ceiling, still in awe of that magical meeting. “It was amazing, and I’ll tell you the full story another time. But just know…I believe Brad is okay with us. He sent me that peace today. He loves us. And he wants us to be happy.”
“Wow. Okay.” She wiped her eyes. “I worried you were going to tell me to go back to California—just like the old days.”
“Never again, Pumpkin.” I lifted her up and spun her around. “Did you ever think you’d fall in love with an evil pig?”
“Did you ever imagine you’d learn to love my face?” she said as I put her down.
“Not only do I fucking love your face…” I placed my forehead against hers. “I see my future children in it.”
Carly looked stunned as she smiled up at me, her eyes glistening. “Wow,” she whispered.
As we held each other, I continued to feel at peace. That meeting at the monastery had set me free, in part because I simply had to believe it so I could allow myself to be happy.