Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 90887 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90887 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
I don't want there to be any preparation. I don't want it to feel synchronized or preempted. I wanted it to be as natural as the sea lapping against the shore. I want Kyla to feel each of us offering ourselves in our own way. It's the only way this can work.
At least, that's what I tell myself.
I can tell that Carl feels differently. He's a planner. He likes to be in control. I guess he's like Kyla in that way. He wants to know the order of things and his posture, leaning forward with a bottle of beer clutched between two hands, tells me he's struggling with the uncertainty.
But that's life.
We all have to learn how to deal with what can't be known in advance.
Right now, Kyla's on her way over here with no certainty about anything, other than the fact that we'll all be here to greet her. She called it a grand finale. At least she has high expectations of our performance.
As I look around, it hits me that she's been with every man in this room except me.
What will she expect of me? To push myself to the front of the line or hold myself back to the end. I haven't planned a thing, wanting the same fluidity for myself as for the rest of my friends.
When the doorbell rings, I almost jump out of my skin. The muted conversation in the room halts immediately, and as I rise to my feet, the rest of them do too.
Noah swears under his breath, the pressure getting to him. Dex shifts on his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets as though he needs something to contain him. Carl runs his hand over his braided hair, his eyes lowered in thought. I don't look at the rest of them.
My focus has to be on Kyla.
At the door, I take a long deep breath, needing to steady my nerves. So much rides on what happens next, and even though I'm not a control freak like Carl, the number of unknowns still tightens my chest.
When I pull open the door, I find Kyla on the doorstep looking very different to the way she usually does. Her eyes are ringed with smoky black eyeliner. Her hair is straightened, and her lips painted red. She's wearing a long black coat and high spiked heels, dressed in a way that screams power and sex.
My throat swallows involuntarily as my mind tries to process what this means.
Has she painted on make-up and chosen clothes to act as a mask or a form of armor? Or is this what she thinks we expect of her tonight? A sultry woman dressed for sex.
Although she looks beautiful, I wish she'd left herself exactly as she usually is, with soft eyes and pink lips, and clothes that are pretty and practical. I wish she'd come as Kyla, not a different woman created for us.
Her eyes are wide, her lips slightly parted as she waits for me to speak.
"Everyone's here," I say softly. "Are you okay?"
"You mean, do I want to go ahead?"
I nod. That's exactly what I need to know. If she feels in any way coerced, I'll be escorting her home.
"I want to," she says. "This is the end of a journey of exploration, isn't it? You only live once."
"We do." I take her small hand, cradling her fingers in my warm palm. As she steps over the threshold, I place a hand into her hair and kiss her softly on the lips, hoping that it's the right thing to do. This is my date, after all. It's my experience, so my responsibility to lead her through, and I want her to know that I'm her rock through it all. Our first kiss is tentative and exploratory, and gradually, she opens to me, her free hand resting on my chest over my already pounding heart. She tastes of mint and of home, and as my emotions take over, I fleetingly imagine what it would be like to just take her to my room and show her all the things that I feel. We could be alone, and it would be different; more intimate and sweeter than what I had planned.
But that wouldn't take us any closer to where I want us to be. All it would do is seal the end of her experience, and that's the opposite of what I want and what I know is best for Kyla.
I know this experience is going to push her boundaries. I know it's going to take courage and confidence that she might not naturally have. It's going to force her to lose control of the situation and relax in a way that she might never have before. And as hard as that will be, I know it's going to be good for her. We can show her that it's okay to hand over control to others as long as they are good and trustworthy.