Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
“I know,” I replied, and I did. “Thank you, Daddy.” I whispered the name Daddy. It felt slightly odder using the word now than it had last night. He said I was always to call him Sir or Daddy but I was confused by that command. Normally, I didn’t always use people’s names when I spoke to them, so did he truly mean all the time? He also said things were negotiable. Was the name included? There were so many questions drifting to the surface of my mind and I was still very confused about many of them.
“You’re thinking too hard, boy.” This time, Kieran reached over and used his thumb to unwrinkle the thought lines on my forehead.
“I don’t know how to do this.”
“I’ll teach you. You’re a natural in a lot of ways, Jared. You just need to follow your instincts.”
I nodded, hoping he was right. I had to trust him in this because Kieran understood it in ways I didn’t and, honestly, I didn’t like it when I wasn’t good at something. It was one of the reasons I felt so settled in the court room, because there I was a master.
“Let’s go. I’ll make you breakfast,” Kieran said.
“Can I do it?” I asked. I wanted to do this for him. Wanted to give him something because last night, he gave me more than I could ever express. It was simple, an easy way to try and thank him, but it was the only one I had. Truth be told, I knew I would get something out of it as well. Serving him would settle me. He paused and then nodded. “Thank you, Daddy.” I tested the name again.
I went to the bathroom first to empty my bladder. Kieran followed behind me, and brushed his teeth while I went. It was oddly domestic, in a way I’d never been domestic with anyone before. When we finished, we switched places. I washed my hands and then Kieran told me to get a new toothbrush from under the sink. I did, as he went to the restroom. He washed his hands in the other sink while I brushed.
“No clothes, remember,” he told me and I nodded. I still couldn’t get over the fact that he expected me to walk around naked.
Kieran slipped his glasses on before he pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms. “I’ll join you,” he said and I was glad he did. I had a million questions I wanted to ask.
“What would you like?” I asked when we stepped into his kitchen.
“Whatever you want to make is fine. There’s an apron hanging in the pantry.”
“Thank you, Sir,” I replied before walking over and grabbing it. I felt…clear…rested. The heaviness that had lived in my gut for years was amazingly lighter today.
I put the black apron on before I scanned the pantry. “Pancakes?”
“That will do. There are blueberries in the fridge. Put those in too, please.”
“Yes, Daddy.” There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I was still riding the high from last night. Yes, he said I was a natural and yes, I felt as though this was who I was supposed to be, but as jarring as it was, it came automatic as well. I wanted to live in this moment where everything was settled and steady and clear.
I gathered all the supplies I needed as Kieran watched from the table. I began mixing the pancake batter as he asked me about work. I gave him what information I could, as I made breakfast for us. Then I made his plate first and brought it over to him.
“You’re very good at what you do,” he commented.
“I am.” I knew that it was true—I was good at my job. “It’s as if I’m a different person when I’m working.”
“No.” He shook his head. “We’re all layered, Jared. People try to deny it but we are. It’s part of being human. You’re not a different person, you’re just using a different part of yourself there. All parts of you are needed to make you who you are. You’re a damn good lawyer. You’re smart, hard-working and you need that. But this,” he waved his hand to take in the room, “being submissive is just a different layer to you. One doesn’t make you stronger while the other makes you weaker. Every layer makes you who you are and there’s nothing wrong with that person. It’s important to remember that.”
I nodded even though I wasn’t sure if I believed him. I made my plate, and he got us juice before I joined him at the table.
We ate and, every so often, my eyes would dart to him. He didn’t look up at me or comment on it but somehow I knew he felt my gaze on him. When we finished eating, he pushed his plate to the center of the table and then said, “Ask whatever you need answered. This doesn’t work if we’re not honest with each other. This doesn’t work if we don’t both understand what the other person needs.”