Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 80620 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80620 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
My dad shakes his head and holds up a hand. “Don’t regret your actions, Marek. You were young when you left, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting things she couldn’t give you at the time.”
I’ll never accept that. Not when I know I missed very crucial time with Gracen. When I missed the pregnancy and raising Lilly after she was born.
“At any rate,” I continue. “Gracen said she was done with being made to feel bad about it. And when we fought tonight, the first thing I did was throw that shit in her face. After I’d told her I’d forgiven her for it. And I had. I swear it. I really thought I had forgiven her, but maybe deep down I didn’t. Otherwise, why would I have so casually tossed that at her with the idea in mind of hurting her?”
I focus on my dad’s eyes, which are appraising and thoughtful all at once. He’s a kind man with a tough disposition at times. It’s a good balance, and he’s always been able to see all the puzzle pieces and how they fit together. I wait for his advice so I can roll with it.
“You’re not going to like what I have to say,” he forewarns me.
I figured it might be tough, so I just nod.
“Okay…well, people just say hurtful shit. It’s human nature.”
I blink at him as my mind twirls, trying to pick apart this deep mystery he’s unraveling for me. But I can’t quite comprehend. “Human nature?”
“Human nature,” he affirms. “If you and Gracen work through this, I guarantee one or both of you will dredge this up again. When we’re hurt, we lash out. You’re going to reach for the thing that’s going to hurt the other the most.”
“That’s not the answer,” I say stubbornly. It can’t be.
“It is the answer,” my dad presses on. “You just have to work hard at it. Relationships are a work in progress. Your mom and I have been married for thirty-nine years, and we still say hurtful shit to each other when we argue. Maybe not to the degree that you and Gracen are going through, but there was a time when we were younger that we did. You just have to accept that as humans, we’re dumb as shit sometimes. We’re rash and act without thinking.”
“Try explaining that to Gracen,” I mutter as I sink back onto the couch. “She said she was done. She’s serious, Dad.”
“Do you regret it?” he asks.
“Yes, I regret it,” I exclaim as I pop back up. “I don’t want to hurt her. I love her.”
My dad smiles at me, almost as if he’s proud to have dragged that admission from me. He sticks the knife in and turns it slightly. “Have you told her?”
I wince, thinking back to that beautiful moment when I was deep inside of Gracen’s body and she told me she loved me.
How I couldn’t say the words back to her and haven’t brought myself to say them since.
I shake my head, lowering it in shame. Silently admitting my cowardice to my father.
“You didn’t want to get hurt again by her,” he concludes, and yeah, that sentiment feels right.
I drag my gaze back up at him. “No one will ever know how hard it was for me to break up with Gracen. I wanted her and I wanted my freedom. I loved her so much, and when I left her, there wasn’t a day went by that I didn’t think of her to some extent. Wondering if the freedom I’d gained had been worth losing her.”
“You grew up in that time,” my dad says with a wave of his hand. “There’s nothing wrong with that. And there’s something to be said about second chances.”
“I guess,” I say hesitantly as I look down at my beer bottle.
“Listen,” my dad says, and my head pops back up. “Here’s my real advice. Bottom line…you love her. You regret the fight. Go apologize and tell her the truth of how you feel. Don’t hold back. Lay it all out, Marek.”
“Lay it all out,” I repeat as if testing the weight of the consequences of what that all means.
“If you do, you can never have regrets later,” he adds. “If this is what you want, a family and a life with Gracen, then put it all out there and ask her for it.”
“Do I deserve that second chance?” I ask him, my voice hoarse with the emotion.
“Of course you do. You deserve to have it all.”
Chapter 28
Gracen
I feel like a zombie as I trudge down the staircase. I couldn’t get to sleep last night, the fight I’d had with Marek playing over and over again in my head. I told him I was leaving, and while the last thing I wanted to do was leave him, I didn’t see any other option. Our hurts ran so deep that we were just too toxic for each other. The enormity of that realization weighed so heavy on me I tossed and turned all night. If I did manage to sleep, I woke with nightmares I couldn’t quite remember what they were about but still had my heart pounding.