Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 82878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
I remember laying there, looking into Amelia’s beautiful eyes and starting to tell myself we could have one more day. What difference would it make? For sure Igor wouldn’t come back to the estate so soon. But even in that brief fantasy, there was a little voice in the back of my head that kept asking what would happen if he did.
I knew that no matter how much I wanted her to stay with me, I couldn’t risk it. I had to let her go. The chances of anything happening that day were very slim, but the chances of Igor getting onto my estate in the first place had been super slim and he had managed that.
Besides, I knew with Amelia around for another day, even another hour, would mean I would want to spend it with her, and I couldn’t afford to be distracted any longer. I had already let myself be distracted and it almost ended in disaster. I had to stop being selfish and put all my focus into finding Igor.
I finally convinced her it was time to go, and we got up and dressed, dragging out every step of the process for as long as we could. Amelia packed her things. Watching that was hard – it felt like she was leaving me for good, but the fact she kept stopping to kiss me told me another story. Her kiss reminded me it was temporary, that she would be back in my arms sooner rather than later, that I wasn’t losing her.
When we kissed goodbye, it was a kiss that lingered, one that stayed with me long after she was gone. I felt like I could still taste her on my lips hours later. The kiss was more than just a kiss. It was a promise that this was only temporary and that we would be together again soon.
It was a kiss full of love and hope; it felt eternal.
Even on that first day, hell in that first hour, it killed me not to contact Amelia. She sent me a text message to tell me exactly where the trailer was as we had discussed and then that was it. Our contact was done until after Igor was dealt with.
The two weeks that have passed since she had to leave have been like hell on earth. Worse maybe. I could cope with torture, fire and brimstone, anything, as long as I have her. But I don’t. Not now. It’s been too long. I physically crave Amelia, she’s like a drug that keeps me going back for more, always wanting more. Needing more.
And having her gone feels horribly similar to what happened with Lisa. How I pushed my grief and longing aside then and went looking for revenge, not letting myself rest for even a moment until it was done. Several times over the last two weeks, I’ve felt this overwhelming grief rising up in my chest and I have to take a few moments to breathe and talk myself down from it, reminding myself that Amelia isn’t dead, isn’t gone. But I’m handling the situation in pretty much the same way. Trying not to feel my feelings, throwing myself into looking for Igor instead. But at night, I can’t help but think of Amelia, can’t help but wish with all my heart that she was here beside me.
I picture myself kissing her sensuous lips, caressing her body. I see myself fucking her until she’s lost in her pleasure. I hear her saying my name in that raw voice she uses when she’s mid-orgasm. To my horror I dreamed of her. In bed with some other guy, saying his name instead of mine. I see him touching her, fucking her. In my nightmare she laughs at me, telling me she never loved me. I woke up bathed in sweat and had to slowly calm myself down by reminding myself she was coming back – that I know she loves me as much as I love her.
I swear I’m going crazy without Amelia.
Several times I’ve driven out almost to the trailer park, and each time I get as far as the turn off from the main road before I’ve talked myself out of it, reminding myself Amelia’s safety is more important than my desire to see her.
And I’ve driven away again, empty, heartbroken, and crazy with longing. Before Amelia, I never really believed being lovesick was a real thing. I always thought it was something teenagers dreamed up because they didn’t know how to put their feelings into words. I believe it exists now. How can I not believe in it when I’m fucking living it?
So yes, to say the last two weeks have been hard would be an understatement. And that’s without even considering the fact that Igor seems once more to have vanished off the face of the earth. I’m confident he hasn’t left the country though. I know he won’t be going anywhere until he’s finished what he started. And the fact that I’m still alive tells me he isn’t finished.