Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Yes, said a voice in my head. You have been dating for exactly two weeks. Get a grip. Stay in the moment.
No, said my heart. It’s only natural to dream about a future with someone you love. It’s impossible to stay in the moment all the time.
Was I in love with Nate?
I glanced at his handsome profile and it gave me butterflies, but I hadn’t really needed to look at him to know the answer.
Of course I was in love with Nate. I even thought he might be in love with me. What had he said last night? You have me. Maybe they weren’t the usual three little words you dreamed of hearing from the one who’d captured your heart, but there was something about the way he said them that made them just as meaningful. You have me. I felt it in my bones. And I’d heard other guys say “I love you” before when they clearly hadn’t meant it. It wasn’t the words themselves that mattered. It was the sentiment.
But what did it mean to have him? Or to be his? What good did it do to belong to each other if you knew it was only temporary? How could you enjoy the moment if you were constantly aware that there would be no future? That your time together was running out? It made our entire relationship seem like sand in an hourglass.
Then again, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I just needed to be patient with Nate, like I’d promised to be. After all, look how far he’d come as a father. It wasn’t that far-fetched to think he might change his mind about marriage in the future, was it? And it’s not like I was in a rush. I just liked knowing it was a possibility. I liked anticipation. My favorite moments at the weddings I planned were always those right before the bride walked up the aisle. When she stood at the back of the church and looked toward the front where her future husband waited for her. When she took that first step, it wasn’t only toward a man. It was toward a dream. It gave me chills every single time.
I wanted that for myself.
Time. That’s all I needed to do, give it time. If Nate was really the one, and something in my gut told me he was, then he was worth waiting for.
I could be patient.
Sixteen
Nate
Something was off with me.
Or maybe it was off with Emme—she’d gone quiet after that whole marriage conversation. Was it that? Did it bother her that I had no intention of getting married? Were her feelings hurt? I hoped not. It wasn’t personal—I was crazy about her, and I mean that in the truest sense of the word. There were times I actually thought I was losing my mind because I wanted her so badly. I was constantly thinking about her, always wondering what I could do to make her smile, and keeping my hands off her was nearly impossible. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her…
Except get married. I just couldn’t.
So much about my life had spun off track. In the last couple weeks, I'd had to scrap every plan and dream I’d had for myself. I'd had to accept a completely new reality, map out an entirely different future. It made the ground feel slippery under my feet. Like nothing was certain. Was it too much to ask to hold on to some part of my former life, some piece of my former self?
And wasn't it enough that we were together now? That I felt more for her than I ever had for any woman? That I, Nate Pearson, divorce attorney and commitment-phobe, was in a relationship? I'd told her things last night I’d never told anyone. She knew more about me, the real me, than any human being on the planet. I trusted her. And I was trying hard to be the kind of person she wanted me to be. Wasn't all that enough?
Not to mention the fact that I knew how unlikely it was that a marriage would last, and I’d seen firsthand how shitty divorces could be. They were soul crushing. Heartbreaking. Embarrassing. And really fucking expensive. Frankly, I had no idea why people still bothered to get married in the first place. It's not like you needed the certificate to have kids if you really wanted to. And I didn't want any more kids, anyway. One was plenty.
I glanced over at Emme, who was stone-faced as she stared out the windshield. She probably wanted kids of her own, maybe even two or three of them. And before that, she'd want the big wedding with five hundred guests and twenty-seven bridesmaids and five circus tents and a partridge in a pear tree and whatever other nonsense brides could dream up. I knew that about her. I had always known it.