Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 369(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
“Crowded?” I parroted. This had to be a joke. Was he fucking kidding me with this? He felt crowded? After asking me to stay over last night, inviting me to come with him to his mom’s house, and making me come in when Rachel was here when I’d offered to go home, now he felt fucking crowded?
With my face burning, I got off the couch, felt around in the dark for my sneakers and tugged them on. I needed to get home before I lost my temper or burst into tears.
How had this day gone so terribly wrong?
Eighteen
Nate
Let her go.
She doesn’t really want you. She wants some version of you that doesn’t exist.
Let her find someone who can make her happy, someone who can make her his everything, someone who will give her the future she deserves, because you can’t.
It had been hard enough to close myself off from her today, but it had taken every ounce of strength I had not to give in when she touched my leg and spoke low in my ear and offered to help me work off the tension. She had no idea how badly I wanted to do exactly that—throw her down on the couch and ravish her hot little body, give her all the love and attention I’d denied her today, take my pleasure in pleasing her, show her how grateful I was that she was here, that she was perfect, that she was mine.
But I couldn’t. I had to let her go.
My hands balled into fists as she put on her shoes.
I’d feel better after she was gone, right? Just like I’d felt better after Rachel had gone. Less threatened. More in control. More like myself. It had felt so good to call the shots after she’d blindsided me—again—by showing up at my door and trying to take Paisley away. Maybe I’d been a little harsh, but fuck her for thinking she got to decide everything all the time. For thinking she could come and go with Paisley as she pleased. For treating me like I didn’t matter, like what I wanted didn’t matter. It had felt good to shut off my feelings, assert myself and take command of the situation. Tell her how things were going to go. Lay out my terms. It felt familiar.
That’s all I wanted. To feel like myself again.
Emme walked to the door.
Don’t look at her. Don’t watch her go.
But I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
She reached for the handle. And stopped. Turned around.
“No,” she said, as if I’d asked her a question.
“What?”
“No. You don’t get to be just another dick that blows me off without a good explanation. I’m worth more than that.”
So much more. But I couldn’t give in. “All I said was that I needed some space.”
“That’s bullshit. Something is going on with you, and you’re not telling me what it is.”
“That’s ridiculous.” I could have choked on my own self-loathing.
“No. It’s not.” She went over to the lamp and turned it on. “You look me in the eye and tell me nothing has changed since last night. Because the guy I was with last night is not the same person sitting on that couch right now.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I met her eyes for exactly two seconds and looked away.
“Yes, you do. You know exactly what I’m talking about. So what the fuck, Nate? Which version of you is real?”
My hands clenched my knees. My stomach churned. “Last night was me trying to be someone I’m not.”
Silence. “Are you serious?”
I swallowed hard, gulping back all the words of apology threatening to escape my lips. “Yeah. I said what I thought you wanted to hear.”
“Why?”
“I was trying to be what you wanted me to be.”
“All I ever asked you to be was honest!”
“Guess I wasn’t very good at it.” Every word out of my mouth was despicable. I felt sick.
“Why’d you ask me to sleep over last night? Why’d you ask me to go with you to your mom’s today?”
I shrugged. “Seemed like things I should ask you to do.”
“Oh, my God. I cannot fucking believe this.”
I risked a look at her, and she’d fisted her hands in her hair.
“I cannot fucking believe I fell for another one of you.” Her eyes closed and she shook her head. “It’s not possible.”
Fuck. I did not want to be lumped in with all her other weasel exes who’d made her feel bad about herself. I wasn’t dumping her—I was trying to get her to dump me.
I stood up. “Emme, I’m not saying we have to break things off completely.”
She dropped her hands and gaped at me. “You can’t mean that. Now who’s living in a fantasy world?”
“You wanted me to be honest, so I’m being honest. Last night was more of an act than anything else. I wanted you to have a good time.”