Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 65552 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 328(@200wpm)___ 262(@250wpm)___ 219(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65552 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 328(@200wpm)___ 262(@250wpm)___ 219(@300wpm)
Guilt, sadness, and hopelessness return to me all too soon.
He despises me.
He hates me while I can’t stop loving him.
Does he know I love him?
He probably wouldn’t care either way. His face enters my mind, and I can’t shake how he looked at me with so much disgust and hate.
He doesn’t love me, and he wouldn’t care if I died. No one would care if I wasn’t here. Not him, not my parents… no one.
No one would care.
Finding another spot, I make another cut. Slicing so deep, that blood trickles down both sides of my thigh. Another wave of serenity washes over me, drowning my mind into silence. My eyes roll back, and my head lulls to the side. I feel sated, calm, and satisfied, but I know the feeling won’t last long. I want it to last forever. Each slice is like another hit, another pulse-pounding euphoria.
With my eyes shut and my head leaning back, I bring the blade back to my skin without looking or thinking, slicing again before the bad thoughts and feelings can return. I don’t want to let those demons back in, it’s too much to take.
I can’t do this anymore.
I continue cutting myself, never even opening my eyes to see what I’m doing. I just keep cutting, banishing everything ugly away and welcoming the peace and quiet I desperately long for. I slice and slice until the blade slips from my fingers, and my hands slide off my leg.
I try to move, try to find the blade, but my fingers won’t listen to my commands. My limbs feel impossibly heavy, my mind drowsy like my head is underwater. Trying to open my eyes, I can’t. They’re weighed down with cinder blocks. Movements are impossible.
My body is useless, just like my existence.
No one wants me.
No one needs me.
Everybody will be better off when I’m gone.
That’s the last thing I think of before my mind slips into the darkness with open arms.
25
Jackson
Walking into the pit, I feel nothing. Not a damn thing. I’m so far from gone when it comes to my emotions, I might as well be in another universe. Blocking out everyone around me, I don’t hear the chants or feel the thundering beneath my feet. I bounce on my heels, cracking my neck and stare off into space, waiting for Franco to announce the fighter.
Tylor is standing just outside the pit with Talon. They’re whispering to each other, and I’m getting more agitated as the seconds pass.
“Where the fuck is this guy, Franco?” I snarl.
“I don’t know,” he replies without looking away from his phone. “If he’s a no-show, then we’re fucking screwed. Bets have already been placed, and everyone is already here. I’ll look like a joke if I don’t find someone to replace him within the next five minutes.” Sheer panic shadows his features.
“You’ll also be dead because if I don’t have someone to fight, I’m taking out your ass.” Franco looks away and starts typing out something on his phone.
Talon and Tylor jump down into the pit. Talon turns to me first. “What’s going on?”
“Franco’s guy is a no-show, and I have no one to beat the fuck out of. Who the fuck is this guy, not showing up for a ten-grand paycheck?”
I need someone, anyone, because if I don’t get this fire out of my veins. If I don’t drain the anger from my body, I won’t be able to stop myself from going to her. From truly hurting her in the same way she hurt me.
My muscles tighten with tension that needs to be released.
“Ten-grand?” Ty asks, rubbing his chin. “I wouldn’t mind that kind of paycheck.”
“Depending on what bets are made, even more. Jackson made twenty-five grand the last time he fought,” Talon explains.
“I’ll fight you, dude,” Tylor interjects, shocking the hell out of me.
“You’ll fight me?” I almost laugh. “You’re joking, right?”
It has to be the money talking.
Tylor’s features become serious. “No. I’ve been working out a lot more, and I know you need someone to fight, so let’s do this.” Pulling his shirt off, he starts stretching his arms. I glance at Talon, who looks just as surprised as I feel.
“Dude, I’m not going to take it easy on you because you’re my friend. Inside the pit, you’ll be nothing more than my opponent for the night.”
“Are you scared I’ll beat your ass in there and embarrass you in front of all your new friends?” Ty asks, confidence dripping from his voice.
Does he really think he stands a chance against me?
If I wasn’t so hell-bent on fighting, I might care that I’m about to smash one of my best friends’ faces in, but I don’t. If he thinks he can take me, then I’ll gladly show him otherwise.
“Let Franco know that Tylor is going to step in,” I tell Talon.