Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 88119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“Kate came to my room today. She told me everything about you,” I said. I was proud that I managed to keep my voice from cracking. I fought the urge to cross my arms in front of my chest, to create a shield between Alec and me.
He froze, his expression slipping from shock to anger and then to dread. “What did she say?”
“She told me that you’ve been keeping something from me all this time—that you’re a Dual Variant and that your secret Variation is reading and manipulating other people’s emotions.”
Alec stared at me, every muscle in his body so tense it looked like he might combust. “I—” Alec was lost for words. That was something I hadn’t seen before. And that more than anything else made me realize that Kate hadn’t lied.
“Tell me the truth,” I said quietly. I could see on his face that he was struggling to come up with a lie, and part of me wanted him to. Maybe I could pretend my talk with Kate never happened. Maybe I could pretend Alec hadn’t kept a secret from me. But I wouldn’t do that to myself. I was worth more than that. I’d put up with enough while he was torn between Kate and me.
Alec hung his head, the tension leaking from his body. “It’s true. I am a Dual Variant. Major thought it would be wise to keep my ability a secret, since it was something people often didn’t take kindly to.”
No kidding. “Everyone knows about Kate’s Variation. I think they could have dealt with yours as well.” It was easier to talk about it in general terms, but other questions burned in my chest. Questions I was scared to get the answers to.
Alec began picking absentmindedly at his tape. Was he buying time? Considering once again how much to tell me? “Kate doesn’t have a second Variation she could have hidden her mind reading behind. Major had no choice but to let everyone know,” he said eventually. “And people are more concerned about hiding their emotions than their thoughts in my experience.” He took a step closer once again, but didn’t try to touch me. “I wanted to tell you.” His face looked so earnest and imploring, my heart gave a thud. But this time I wouldn’t let it turn me into a fool.
“Then why didn’t you?” I demanded, anger slowly but steadily taking the place of my hurt.
“Major forbid me. He thought it would endanger our community.” He hesitated, like there was more, and my anger flared even more.
“You should have told me once we started dating. I had a right to know.” I clenched my fists. “I trusted you, Alec. When I was broken and thought I could never trust anyone after how my mom treated me, you gave me back my ability to trust.”
His expression turned imploring. “I know, and I’m sorry. But I wasn’t allowed to, and I knew you’d hate it if you knew that I could read your emotions.”
“Yes, you knew how much I would hate it and that’s why you were glad that Major’s order gave you a justification not to. At least admit that.”
“No,” he said. He gripped my hands. “I hated that I had to lie to you. You have to believe me.”
I wanted to believe him. But that didn’t change the fact that he’d violated my privacy without my knowledge for the past three years. “So you always knew what I was feeling? And even now you can read my emotions, right?”
We stared at each other. He dropped his gaze and sighed. “Yes. But it isn’t something I can just switch off. Even if I don’t want to, and, believe me, most of the time I’d be glad to be spared having to deal with everyone’s emotions all the time. Sometimes I manage to tune it out, but it’s not always easy.”
I tried to imagine how it must be, to be overwhelmed with the myriad of emotions from people around me—with their fears and worries. Sometimes I could hardly stand seeing the sadness on Holly’s face. How much worse would it be if I could actually feel it like it was my own? A tiny part of me felt sorry for Alec, but the bigger part held on to my anger.
“Have you ever manipulated me?” I asked. The idea that he might have done so when we were intimate actually made me want to hide in a deep hole.
“I could manipulate people’s emotions if I tried,” he said slowly. “But it would be a breach of FEA’s rules, you know that.”
“That doesn’t mean you’ve never done it. Answer my question. Yes or no. Have you ever manipulated me?” Please say no, I thought. But I knew that he’d be lying if he did.
“Only for your own good. I wanted to help you,” he said reluctantly. “I couldn’t stand to see you scared. I shouldn’t have done it.”