Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 111038 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111038 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
“What’s her name?”
None of your business.
What the hell else did I need?
“Where’d you meet her?”
I dropped the bag and turned around. “I’m not talking about her.”
“Okay. Yeah.” She tried to smile, but those tears.
I hated when she cried. Cursing, I hauled my mom into my arms.
She sniffled, tensing, but I cradled the back of her head, and that was enough. She dissolved in my arms.
I didn’t know if that was right or not. It was what it was.
I waited until she had stopped crying. Zeke would be here by now. I pulled back and smiled down at her. “Cheer up, Mom. You got a pain-in-the-ass son who will someday not be such a pain in the ass.”
She laughed, flicking the last of her tears away.
“And it seems you have a good guy upstairs.” I bent down, resting my forehead to hers. “I will try to not be such a dick.”
Pulling away, I studied her.
“You like Taz, huh?”
She smiled, bobbing her head. “I do. She’s a good girl, just lonely. I can understand that.”
A bit of my wall crumbled. I didn’t like thinking of my mom as lonely.
“I think counseling will be good for you, Mom.”
Her eyes turned sad, and she eased back a step. She cupped the side of my face. “You’re such a handsome boy. I got lucky having you. Real lucky. Despite the things you say, you’ve always taken care of me when I needed it.”
I batted away her hand. “Okay. Sentimental shit is my cue to leave.”
She reached up and held the sides of my face. “Let me say this. I know you are hurting. I know I can’t help you with that, but I also know you persevere. That’s your trait. You’re always strong, and you always get through whatever it is you’re dealing with. And I can’t take credit for that. That’s you. That’s all you, and I want you to be proud of that.”
Her eyes flicked to the ceiling and back to mine. “As for them, and the changes in our lives, it’ll all work out. I just want you to keep working on you. And whoever this girl is, I can tell she’s good for you. I’ve always seen fragments of the man you’ll become, and lately, I’ve been seeing more and more of them. You will become a man I’m proud of, and I know this because you’re already a son I’m so proud of.” She hugged me tightly. “So proud of you.”
I let her hug me.
“Mom, I can’t be a dick with you being a Pinterest hologram and saying all this cheesy shit.” But I grinned as I straightened a strand of her hair.
I loved my mom.
I might be a massive dick, but everything she’d said was right.
I pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered, “Love you.”
Zeke was standing in the hallway just inside the back door when I came up from the basement.
His face lit up when he saw me. “Bruh!”
“Let’s head.”
His face faltered. “Dude. Brunch?”
“I’ll pay.”
“Dude.” He grinned again, and we left.
I tried to tell myself I wasn’t being a pansy when I pulled my phone out later and texted Taz.
Me: Congrats on your graduation tomorrow. I’ll come to your party if you want me there.
39
Aspen
Nate kept trying to talk me into letting him rent a camper. He was allergic to tents, he’d explained, but not campers. He loved campers. The whole time was like that. Nate making a joke. Me laughing. Then we’d descend into silence with awkward looks.
I didn’t know my brother. Not really.
I knew this, but knowing it and experiencing it were two different things.
It was sad, to be honest. I wished I knew him. I wished I knew him how I knew Owen.
I sighed at one point. “I miss Owen.”
Nate had been on his phone, but he looked up and without a word said, he put it away. He leaned back. “I wished I knew Owen how you knew him.”
I’m here, dudes.
I grinned. “Some days it’s like he never left, and some days it’s like he never existed. He was my only friend.”
Nate’s eyes closed. “Aspen.”
“He was funny. He was fun. He was reckless sometimes. He was cocky. He was the popular guy at school. So many girls liked him.” Giving Nate a more intense look, I said, “He was like a mix of you and Blaise together.”
Nate’s mouth turned in, and he was trying to contain his grimace. “Thanks?”
I laughed. “No. Owen was the best of all of us.”
Sure. You wouldn’t have said that if I was alive. Now I’m dead, and all things are holy Owen.
I grinned, knowing that’s what he would’ve said.
“Aspen.” Nate’s head was hanging low. He wasn’t looking at me, and if he hadn’t said my name, I wouldn’t have thought he was even talking to me. His tone was far-off, distant. Soft. Regretful. He added, “There’s going to be a time when you’re going to be mad at me, mad at Mom and Dad.” He looked up, his eyes keen and sharp. The regret was there, more prominent. “You can be mad. You can be furious with them, and me. I know that’s not how you usually roll. Sometimes I think I got all the anger in the family, but I just—you have every right to be angry at us. And when you feel that, you can call me and chew me out. It’s deserved on my end, and if you want to chew out Mom and Dad, I will be there. I will back you up. Fuck.” He shook his head. “I might do it myself because they deserve it. I missed out on you and Owen. I really missed out on Owen, and I’m--” He choked off, blinking rapidly. “I’m just so sorry.”