Total pages in book: 60
Estimated words: 55964 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 280(@200wpm)___ 224(@250wpm)___ 187(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55964 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 280(@200wpm)___ 224(@250wpm)___ 187(@300wpm)
My eyes go wide. The High Father?
Neska’s silver eyes are slitted, emotionless. “He feels we are sufficiently connected with humanity again and have learned a great deal. Your presence is no longer required. You can leave at any time.”
I stare up at him in surprise. I thought anchors to gods served for life? I thought they enjoyed me being their anchor? I thought… “Oh.”
His face is unreadable. “Tell me where you wish to be dropped—and when—and it shall be done.”
“Oh…” I fight back another sudden rush of tears. I’ve had this before—getting settled and comfortable only for my life to be turned upside down once more. For the man (or men) that I serve to grow tired of me. So why does it hurt so much this time? Why does it feel as if my heart has turned to ice?
I’ve grown fond of the three Spidae. I adore them and love how they treat me. I love my home here in the tower. I love my garden. I love Apple, my strange, playful spider. I love the mirror I have that allows me to spy on everyone, and I love having an endless supply of cloth for pretty dresses. I love being safely tucked away from the cruel world with them and not having to worry about where my next food—or my next client—might be.
Most of all, I love the Spidae. I love Ossev for his curiosity and eagerness. I love Zaroun for his sweetness and spending quiet time with him. I love Neska in his controlling, intense ways and how he demands and acts as if he wants to conquer me…and if I have so much as a splinter, he’s the first to fuss and get upset over my pain. They make me feel special and cherished, and I love each one of them individually and also as a whole.
I can’t see my life without them in it. I can’t see myself going back to Rastana, or Aventine, or even the eastern kingdoms. I want to stay right here.
But I might not have that option. “I…see.”
“You are very quiet.”
“I don’t know what to think,” I answer honestly. Dropping my gaze, I notice his hand twitches at his side, then flexes. It’s like he wants to touch me but doesn’t trust himself.
That small move makes me pause. I think about Ossev, and Zaroun’s disjointed words about me being happy. Are they doing this for me? Giving me the choice so I can be free?
I glance up at Neska. “Do you want me to stay?”
He swallows, the movement strangely human. His gaze flicks over me. “I…will not influence you.”
But there’s a hitch in his voice that betrays him. I know him well enough to recognize that. When Neska is in his element, he is all sharp words and cutting statements. For him to hesitate tells me everything.
So I take his hand and bring it to my cheek, and I feel his fingers twitch against my skin. “Do you want me to stay, my lord? Yes or no?”
“I want what will bring you happiness.” His fingers tremble and then smooth over my cheek. “The choice should be entirely yours.”
“But you’re upset. All three of you are. I can tell.” I turn my face, pressing into his palm and kissing him there. “It’s a very human thing, to be upset at a time like this. The High Father was right. You have learned a lot.”
“If you want your freedom, we would not keep you. Your misery would not bring us happiness.” His hard mouth draws up at the corners in a tiny smile. “I hate that I realize that now.”
“Because you care for me? It’s not a bad thing to care. It makes you better at your work. It makes you sympathize with mortals. I’m glad of it, even if it troubles you.” I smile up at him, touched. “And I like that you worry over how I feel.”
He’s silent.
I don’t mind his silence. I know it’s because he’s feeling a lot in this moment. His actions tell me everything. The small twitches of his hand. The way he stares at me as if he could burn holes into my gown. I move forward, skimming a hand down the front of his white silken robe and pause at the sash at his waist. He’s wearing the one I made him.
He always wears the sash, even though I’ve fussed over some of the messy stitches and offered to redo it for him. He wears it faithfully every day. “You’ve got your sash on.”
“Always. It is my most treasured possession.”
I glance up at him, smiling at his sweetness. “You know, Neska…I understand that you don’t want to keep me if I don’t want to be here. I appreciate the offer. But if it makes you feel any better, you couldn’t keep me if I wanted to go.”