Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 100608 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100608 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 503(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
“This is more like it,” I taunt, flexing my hips up. “I know I didn’t sneak through the dark just to watch Ironman.”
His hold on me loosens. “Dante…”
The tone in his voice pokes a tiny hole into my heart. So small, at first it’s just a pinch, but the ragged sigh that escapes him has it stretching and widening, weakening me to whatever it is he wants to say.
“This is supposed to be fun,” I remind him. “I understand the rules.”
“I feel like I’m fucking this all up. Let me explain myself.” Before I can argue there’s no need, he lets go of my wrists, sliding off my body but wrapping his powerful one around mine and his head resting on my shoulder. I shift to get comfortable, because I can tell he needs to talk, and rest my palm on his lower back.
“One day,” he murmurs. “I woke up different. No single thing happened to make me that way. No grand revelation. On a Friday I was straight, or so I thought, and by Saturday, I saw my best friend in a way I never had.”
I’m interested to hear about his past, which surprises me. Typically, my hookups are just that. Fast, hot as hell, and forgotten by the next one. Generic talk about the weather or a movie or whatever was as deep as it got.
Except him.
I try not to think about Toby.
Some things are better left in the past.
“He’d slept over,” Jax says, his voice soft and faraway like he’s right back there in that moment. “All night we stayed up shooting the shit like usual. I’d woken up with him sleeping on me. Just like this.” He gently caresses my pectoral muscle. “And it felt right, you know?”
I cover his hand on my chest with my own, squeezing it so he’ll continue.
“For a second,” he murmurs, “I forgot who I was. Who he was. All I knew was I wanted him. In ways that went beyond friendship. I wanted to taste and touch him. Out of the blue, I was starved for him.” He laughs. “Imagine his surprise when I woke him up with my lips on his.”
“Did you know he was gay?”
“He told me he liked guys. Was always looking at gay porn. But he wasn’t out yet.” His fingers tickle down my ribs and I tense, not eager for him to know how ticklish I am. “I thought maybe he’d punch me, but instead, he kissed me back. It was the sweetest kiss that turned hungry almost immediately. He’d worked his hand into my boxers, giving me my first taste of bliss from another guy, when I’d heard my dad hollering for me.”
“Way to kill a boner,” I say with a chuckle.
“No shit. I was traumatized for a solid week, ignoring Kian like it was all his fault.”
“So you’ve always been a dick is what I’m hearing…”
He playfully smacks my chest. “I went by his place the following weekend and begged him to forgive me for blowing him off. Told him I wanted to go back to being best friends.”
“That went over well?”
“He asked if he could give me a blowjob.”
“What teenage boy says no to that?”
His laughter rumbles against me and shakes the bed. “Exactly. I was right back in that place of overwhelming desire.” He sits up on his elbow to regard me. “I fell so hard and so fast for my best friend. We couldn’t get enough of each other. For our entire senior year, we kept it a secret, only seeing each other when it was safe. By the time we’d finally had sex, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.”
“Sounds good in theory.”
“I could fantasize like you wouldn’t believe, but the idea of my father knowing scared the shit out of me.” He curses under his breath and lies back down. “Long story short, Kian came out and I stayed hidden. It ended us. My heart was broken, but I couldn’t do shit about it because I was to blame.”
“That’s brutal.”
Jaxson
Brutal doesn’t even begin to describe the pain I’d felt. I lost my boyfriend and my best friend all at once. For some reason, I need Dante to understand this about me. To explain why I’m the way I am. That I’m not a selfish man, I’m just fucking afraid. Being scared is better than being a straight up asshole.
“It wasn’t the sex or any of the fooling around that made it so special between us,” I explain, my heart thundering in my chest. “It was the friendship and the secret only the two of us knew that made it that way. The blowjobs and everything else was just the icing on the cake. I never wanted it to end.”
“Not every gay man wants the world to know,” Dante says, his deep voice soothing parts of me that are still gaping and bleeding even after all this time. “You were young. Certainly don’t need to beat yourself up about it all these years later.”