Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 126003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 630(@200wpm)___ 504(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 630(@200wpm)___ 504(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
“You’re sad it’s over.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Eason. At least when I was in fight camp, I was a fighter. A good one, too. One of the best. And not just in our camp. I made it to thirteen. All the way to thirteen. Do you know how many girls get that far where I come from?”
He presses his lips together and nods. “Not many.”
“Not many. Most of them die first fight out, around age five or six. A few, like Rasha, make it to age nine. But she was never gonna make it to thirteen. She was gonna die in her very next fight. She was literally weeks away from death when we broke free. Zoya would’ve made it. But she’s… she’s… fucking psycho. She’s fucking psycho. And sometimes…”
But I stop. Because I’m saying way too much.
“Sometimes what?”
Fuck it. I let out a breath. “Sometimes I think I’m psycho too. And that’s the only reason I’m still alive.”
“Well, I hate to break it to you, Irina, but you’re not unique in that respect.”
He looks at me for a few moments, the sunlight pouring into the bedroom now, making his green eyes the exact shade of Rainer’s. And I suddenly have a pang of homesickness. For the Rock, and the village, and Cort before Anya. And Maart before Anya. And all the things that were in my life before Anya came and everything changed.
It’s not her fault. I don’t blame her. But she was the one who ruined my death. She’s the only reason I’m still here.
“I’d be dead now, ya know. If we didn’t kill all those men that day, I’d be dead by now. And I find myself wishing it had turned out that way.” I’m staring straight into those green eyes of his when I say this and his reaction to my words is enough to make me look away and sigh. “Sorry. I’ll move in with you. Your cathedral ceilings are a little drafty, there are way too many luxury bathrooms, and your ocean view in the morning is blindingly sunny, but sure. We can live together.”
When I look back, he’s just staring at me. I don’t wish I could read his mind. Because he’s thinking… I was going to touch you and you tried to break my wrist.
Only that’s what I was thinking about him, not the other way around.
He’s thinking… some other version of that. She’s damaged. Broken into millions of microscopic pieces. And there’s no way to put any of this shit back together again.
But then he leans down and kisses me.
And just for a moment, all my pieces are put back together again.
CHAPTER 26
This kiss lasts longer than the others. It’s sweeter too. And when I pull back, she puts her hands around my neck, keeping me close.
So I kiss her again. And again. And she kisses back.
But then she takes my hand and places it on her stomach, sliding my fingertips underneath her shirt just an inch or two.
“We don’t have to keep going, Irina.”
“Don’t you want to, though?”
“Do I want to?” I shoot her a look. “I’ll always want more. But it doesn’t mean we have to do more.” She just stares at me, our faces very close together, almost kissing, but not quite. “What? What are you thinking about?”
“I just don’t get it.”
“Don’t get what?”
“What the big deal is.”
I crack a slow smile. “You don’t understand what the big deal is about sex?” I almost laugh. It takes a real effort not to, but I make this effort because she’s so fuckin’ serious.
“Yeah, I don’t get it.” Her eyes are cast down when she says this, but then she looks up. They are the blue of a summer sky. So pure. Like they’ve only seen good things.
Which is a lie. Irina has witnessed atrocities. And it’s really not fair that such a nice girl should be hiding that truth behind those eyes.
I lean in and kiss her neck. Immediately her shoulder shrugs up. I bite her earlobe and then whisper into her ear. “Are you ticklish?”
Her shoulders are still shrugging, but now she’s squirming underneath me too. So I don’t need her answer. It’s just a ‘yes.’
I don’t let her get far. But I stop purposely making her squirm. “It feels like that, Irina. Like… something really good that gives you goosebumps. And makes you happy, but it’s intense too. So you almost can’t stand it.”
She blows out a breath, her head turning so she can see me. “Every time? It feels like that every time?”
“No. But with us it would.”
“How do you know?”
“Because we like each other. And… I would be careful.”
She looks away, staring off at something.
“I’m not trying to talk you into anything, so don’t get the wrong idea. I’m just answering your questions.”
“I know.” She exhales again. “I want to…” She stops and tries again, looking at me this time. “I don’t want to. Because…”