Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 126003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 630(@200wpm)___ 504(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126003 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 630(@200wpm)___ 504(@250wpm)___ 420(@300wpm)
But when I don’t, he lowers his mouth down to mine and the moment our lips touch, a feeling shoots through my body that I’ve never felt before. It’s like a chill, or a spark, or maybe just… a warmth.
He doesn’t open his mouth, just makes his lips soft. His body—his bare chest—is warm against my chest, his cheek a little scratchy. We stay like that until the world ends. Then he pulls back, smiling.
The next thing I know, he’s lying on the sand. On his back, hands behind his head, like maybe the kiss never happened.
I am too stunned to move. It was more than I ever expected. And it was so small of a moment. Just a teeny-tiny moment of time that I replay on repeat.
After several seconds, he says, “Well?”
I press my lips together. Then nod. “Yeah. I think… maybe… you actually did win that rosette ribbon.”
Which makes him laugh. But then he goes quiet for a moment, turning his body towards me. Our eyes are locked. His are dark green right now. He reaches for me and I flinch away for some reason, but he’s just swiping a piece of hair out of my eyes, like maybe it was interfering with his view.
And I suddenly feel stupid. And young. And inexperienced.
Eason stands up, grabs his shirt, and then offers me his hand.
I take it and he pulls me to my feet. But he holds onto my hand for a moment, making me look up at him with questioning eyes. “We’re not all scary, Irina. Even the ones who kill.”
Then he lets go of my hand and points me in the direction of home.
Does he see me better than I see myself?
I’ve never really questioned my self-image before. I never thought about it much. In fact, the first time I ever took notice of my outward presentation to the world was when that law office fired me because I didn’t sound right.
But I would’ve never changed my accent if I hadn’t seen Nandy’s flyer on the register counter at the restaurant. It didn’t even occur to me that I had a choice about how I talked.
I’m having a similar revelation right now with Eason.
Am I afraid of men?
Is that why I don’t want to date?
Several minutes have passed since we got up from the beach. We’re heading north towards his building, but we’re still on the sand. And we’ve both been quiet. “What are you thinking about, Eason?”
“You.”
“What about me?”
“I’m thinking… we were part of the same world but we had it so different. Why, what are you thinking about?”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
He chuckles. “I would hope not. I’ve never given you a reason to be.”
“No. I mean, I’m not afraid of you as a man.”
He side-eyes me a little as we walk. “So ya are afraid of men?”
“I don’t think so. But I’m starting to wonder what my freakin’ problem is.”
“Ya don’t want to date. That’s what ya said. Is it a lie?”
“I’m not sure. I think about the future, where I’m married or just have a kid, maybe. But I don’t see a way to get there.”
“Dates are a good start. What was wrong with that last guy?”
“You said yourself. He wasn’t my type.”
“I did, but I don’t know why he’s not your type. I could just tell you weren’t interested. But why weren’t you interested? Maybe start there.”
“He looked so… normal.”
Eason laughs. “Something wrong with normal?”
“There is, actually.” I look up at him as we continue walking. “I would never be able to be myself with that guy.”
“But why’s that matter? I mean, you’re not yourself with anyone. Why was it different with him?”
Am I really not myself with anyone? I hadn’t even considered that before.
“Why was it different, Irina?”
“I dunno. He was too perfect for me.”
“Ah. You want a damaged one. Something from the sale rack.”
I smile. “No. I just want someone who…”
“Grew up like you? Someone like me, then.”
I sigh. Because he’s right. I bet Eason would be a good boyfriend. A good catch, as he put it. “But wouldn’t that just be some kind of default decision? That we would be together just because we came from the same place?”
He blows out a breath. “Maybe. I guess you could look at it like that. But most people would call that fate.”
CHAPTER 17
Irina and I stay quiet after that. I’m sure she’s in the middle of some kind of existential moment. Thinking about, and maybe questioning, all the choices she’s made up to this point. She shouldn’t, really. Who am I to question the way she is? And I have to admit, running away from Brazil to come to America all by yourself takes some balls.
She’s so unaffected, though. This is the part that bothers me so much.
She’s not cold. Not at all cold, actually. But she’s borderline apathetic. Like, if she had grown up in the regular world someone would’ve diagnosed her with something for being so introspective.