Total pages in book: 46
Estimated words: 44725 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 224(@200wpm)___ 179(@250wpm)___ 149(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 44725 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 224(@200wpm)___ 179(@250wpm)___ 149(@300wpm)
That’s never going to happen because I need you, too. I need you so badly. It hurts being away from you.
The message is like a whirlpool dragging me in.
What changed? Why are you messaging me now? I ask, needing to know.
I’ve been talking with Peter.
Oh, God. That sounds bad. Is he going to tell Mom?
No, but he wants us to talk with Mallory. I’ve been thinking about it, and I think we should sit her down and explain that we want to date each other. Once she realizes what’s at stake, we can ask her permission to reveal what happened all those years ago.
Do you think she’ll tell us anything after that?
We have to try. The alternative hurts too much. I’ve been torturing myself, imagining you with other men, moving on, and finding somebody else. Even if that’s the right thing, it feels wrong. It feels like I’m betraying myself by not fighting for us.
I’m smiling more than I have all week.
“Good news?” Natasha asks.
“Probably not. We’re going to tell Mom about us. It’s probably the worst thing that could’ve happened.”
“Tell that to your face.”
I glance at her, both of us grinning.
“I should tell him no.”
“But you’re not going to.”
“No, I can’t.”
That could be an excuse, removing choice from myself, but I’m done pretending we can live without each other.
“It shouldn’t be enough,” I murmur. “Some texts, one half-a-date, some kissing, and some intimacy.”
“Enough for what?”
“For everything I feel, but it is, Nat. It’s more than enough. I know I want him, and sometimes, from how he speaks, I think he might want me too. Really want me as more than his girlfriend.”
Sometimes, it feels like he wants me forever.
“I say go for it,” Natasha says. “If it all goes wrong, you can blame me.”
“No, this is my choice.”
It could be the wrong one.
Let’s do it, I type. We have to try. I’ll tell Mom we both want to speak with her. At least we’ll know if we have a shot when it’s all over.
What if Mom tells me she and Jaxson were in a relationship? What if she tells me I’m right to harbor all my worst fears?
We’re going to make this work, Zoey.
I hope you’re right.
We have to. The other choice is to pretend this never happened, and I can’t do that.
Neither can I, I reply. It’s too painful.
“We’re going to do it,” I tell Natasha. “We’re going to tell her.”
“Good luck,” she replies. “I have this feeling that everything’s going to work out. You’re going to have the relationship you deserve.”
I hope she’s right.
CHAPTER 20
Jaxson
Mom seems suspicious as hell, but she’s agreed to meet us tomorrow evening.
I nod as I read her message, knowing how unlikely this is to work.
First, I have to tell Mallory how much her daughter means to me… all while I haven’t told Zoey yet. We’ve made vague statements about how much we need each other and how difficult it is to stay apart. The concrete stuff—the kids, the marriage, the love—is still hiding in the dark.
Sitting up in my armchair, I immediately forget the documentary I was watching. I’ve been doing that a lot this week, attempting to immerse myself in books and movies and anything else to distract me, and it all ends with me fantasizing about Zoey. It’s not just intimate stuff, not just physical—though there’s a lot of that—but the whole world of our future, too. Small moments, like sneaking up behind her, slipping my arms around her, and cradling her belly with my hands.
“What do you think? Are you ready for another kid?”
Then she’ll turn and beam up at me, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask.”
We can do this together.
Let’s work out exactly what we’re going to say.
I swallow, remembering my conversation with Peter. At the gym, he asked why I was so grumpy… grumpier than usual. When I told him Zoey and I were trying to end things, I expected him to be relieved. Instead, he told me he hated seeing me like that. He wanted me to be happy.
“If you can find a way to do this aboveboard, you owe it to yourself to try, but that means telling Mallory the truth.”
Jax? Zoey texts when I don’t respond.
Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. A week was long enough.
So…
We’ll tell her the truth, I text.
But what IS the truth? We kissed. We were intimate, and now we want to date? I’m not trying to be argumentative. I just think we should get our story straight.
I know I should hold off, but she’s right. We need to be clear about this, and I hate withholding the truth from her. Or perhaps it’s simply that the fire in me is burning too hot, the flames licking at my self-control.
The truth is, you belong to me, I type quickly, feeling like I’m possessed by a spirit, by my woman. The truth is, I knew you were mine the second I laid eyes on you, and by “mine,” I mean…