Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 110201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 441(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 441(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Just as I opened my mouth to tell him, his eyebrows tugged together, and his attention flew to the other man. “The reason why I told you I don’t do dating or love is because my arrangement with her excludes those things. She assured me she didn’t want them. We had a rule that if one of us started to develop feelings, we’d tell each other.”
I somehow sensed where he was going, and tingles washed down my back.
Clay spoke confidently, as if ready to lay it all on the line. “When you kissed her, you broke the rules of the arrangement you had with me.” His gaze flicked my direction. “I broke mine with her a while ago. I’ve had feelings for weeks and not said a thing.”
I gasped. “Why not?”
“Because you told me the harder a guy falls for you, the faster you want out, so I kept the way I felt a secret. I don’t want to lose you. Shit, Lilith, you’re all I can think about these days.”
“But,” I sputtered, “you said you don’t get feelings. You don’t do love.”
“Apparently, I do.”
“Yeah?” Travis’s tone was irritated. “Well, I fell in love with her first.”
I blinked. Really?
“I highly doubt it,” the other man fired back.
How was this possible? I had gone into this relationship not wanting to fall in love, and now both men were saying they were in love with me. It created a war in my head. One side was ecstatic they felt this way, and the other was beyond terrified.
I hated how they both turned and looked at me as if I had to choose, right here, right now. And it seemed like they each expected me to pick them over the other man.
I laced my fingers together and moved, slowly and measured, to set my hands on the tabletop. As I considered how to answer, I stared at the way my hands were joined.
“I think I’m love with you too,” I said.
Since my head was tipped down and I wasn’t looking at either of them, it wasn’t clear who I was talking to. They shifted uneasily in their seats, both ready to ask me who I meant, but I sucked in a deep breath, letting it fill my lungs with air—and hopefully courage.
“I’m in love with both of you,” I admitted. “Together. As a unit.” I looked at one man and then the other. “So, please don’t ask me to choose because I won’t. I can’t. The night when all of us were together? That’s what I want.” I had to revise that, to make sure they understood. “It’s what I need.”
I unlaced my fingers and pressed a hand to my chest in a desperate attempt to shield my heart from tearing in two.
“I’ve never been in love,” I said softly. “Maybe the reason it hasn’t happened before is because I never felt . . . complete.” I declared it in the strongest, most sure voice I possessed. “But I feel that way now with both of you.”
They looked at me as if they’d been tied to their chairs. I saw the struggle raging in their eyes. Maybe they wanted to leave, but also they seemed desperate to stay. Their unwavering gazes were pinned on me.
“And the thing is,” I added, “I think you love each other too.”
Their eyes went enormously wide before narrowing to slits and they turned their suspicious gazes on each other.
I raised my hands, gesturing for them to hear me out. “Maybe it’s platonic love. Clay, you said Travis is your best friend, but you guys are more than that. You both care deeply for me, but you also care about one another. You’re partners to each other, just as much as to me.”
Travis’s expression was unreadable as he considered what I’d said. He didn’t necessarily agree with it, but he didn’t disagree with it either.
His tone was skeptical. “Okay, so . . . how does that work?” He made a face, displeased with himself. “What I mean is, how do you see it working? Like, we’d all be dating each other?”
“I don’t know.” It was the most honest answer I could give. “But I’d like to talk about it, and I think we can figure it out, if we’re together.”
I wanted to connect with them like I’d done at the restaurant, so I leaned forward across the table, stretching out my hands to both of them in offering. The hope was they would each take one, signifying they were willing to give us a shot.
We could become a throuple. Not an open relationship, but three people committed to each other through sex, support, trust, and love.
Clay’s chest moved rapidly, and I expected his heart was beating furiously inside his body. He stared at my hand like it was foreign, something he’d never seen before.