Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 108905 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 545(@200wpm)___ 436(@250wpm)___ 363(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108905 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 545(@200wpm)___ 436(@250wpm)___ 363(@300wpm)
“If I get the diem, carpe it until I get rug burn?”
He nodded. “There’s no reason your needs shouldn’t be met, just because I’m here.”
“Getting your needs not met,” I finished for him.
He made a grim face. “Oh, they’re getting met. I may be developing some kind of repetitive motion injury in my wrist from meeting them.”
We found a bench and sat down, enjoying the spring sunshine together as we talked about other developments in life. I told him about the new apartment Holli and Deja had bought, and the sudden jump in subscribers we’d gotten after Zendaya had graced our cover with her amazing cheekbones. I let him know that Penny was leaving the magazine to move to the Bahamas with Ian, and got the “you should have hired a personal assistant for yourself a long time ago” speech from Neil. I told him about the trip to Cabo Mom and Tony were planning together. Neil listened and asked questions but didn’t have much to contribute on his own. The hospital wasn’t a very happening place, and he seemed reluctant to share much about it beyond what he’d already told me.
I also gave him a heads up about a plan Valerie had hatched to take Olivia with her to London.
“She wants to take her for a couple of weeks, no big deal,” I assured him, so he would know I was fine with it. “There’s some family there that have never seen Olivia, and it would give your sister a chance to spend some time with her, too.”
Neil’s expression darkened. “Valerie doesn’t intend to take Olivia to meet—”
“No.” That was a point I’d already put my foot down on. “Stephen isn’t going to ever see Olivia. That was something Emma had already expressed to Valerie, and Valerie is fine with it.”
“Are you fine with it? Olivia leaving, that is?” he asked, studying my expression carefully.
That was the big question, wasn’t it? “I don’t know. I guess I won’t until it happens.”
“Well, to give you advanced warning, I was a wreck when visitation times rolled around. The house will seem very empty. You should make some plans to occupy your time,” he advised.
“I will.” I wasn’t sure what kind of plans. Maybe I would just throw myself back into work, the way I hadn’t been able to since his hospitalization.
“Good.” Neil’s watch beeped faintly, and he cursed.
My stomach sank with dread. I didn’t know how long I’d expected to have with him, but I feared what his expletive meant.
He silenced the alarm and looked up. “Darling, I’m so sorry, but I have a session in fifteen minutes.”
“Right. Well, I don’t want to keep you.” I waved my hand like it was no big deal, while inside, I was still warring with myself for control. I’d known he wasn’t coming home today, but there had still been some part of me, some immature, unrealistic part that had been holding out hope that he would decide to leave with me.
Instead, he walked me back to the security doors I’d entered the facility through, and gave me a tight hug and a long, lingering kiss.
“There,” he said, his arms still around me. “That will give me a hand later.”
“Ha ha.” How could he be so normal and not completely better? There was a lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow, so I had to speak around it. “I’ll come back and visit any time you want, okay? Just call me, and I’ll be here.”
“Hopefully, I won’t be, for much longer.” He kissed me one last time. “I love you, Sophie. Have a safe trip home.”
“I will. And I love you, too.” I held his hand as he walked away, until the last possible second. He gave me a reassuring smile before he turned, and I watched him, my chest tightening.
I had to leave, or I’d run after him.
* * * *
The emotional aftermath of my visit with Neil was brutal. While I’d thought seeing him would make me miss him less, it only made my longing for him worse. So, too, did the hope I had now. Neil hadn’t been catatonic or miserable. He was actually getting better. Knowing that, somehow, made waiting for him interminable.
Worse, Olivia was going to be gone for ten days. Ten days, and over her first birthday. I wouldn’t be there to celebrate, and I seethed with envy knowing that Valerie would get to have that milestone without us. It was weird, how much Olivia had started to feel like my kid, instead of someone else’s. More and more, the guilt attached to those feelings seemed to ebb. Without her, I was really going to be alone and with nowhere to direct that energy. Mom would be in Cabo with Tony, and I supposed I could go back to work in Brooklyn, but I’d been gone for so long I would just be a pain in the ass around the office. So, I ended up spending the first two days of my alone time working from home, before abandoning myself to despair.