Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87392 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 437(@200wpm)___ 350(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
I lifted my eyebrows. “Really?” I asked. “I hadn’t expected you to say that.”
“Why not?” he asked, actually looking a little hurt. “Evan. Come on. Why does this feel so weird? This isn’t… us.”
“I know,” I said. “Yes. Let’s go out front.”
I followed him through the crowd and out the front doors of the tavern. Outside, the evening was balmy and mild, and I barely even needed a sweater. It was like spring was just starting to show itself.
I pulled in a deep breath as the music and chatter from the inside was finally muted. Out here, I could actually hear myself think.
Mitch was just standing there, his hands in his jean pockets, watching me.
“Um,” I said, scratching the back of my neck. “So… what did you want to talk abo—”
“I’m in love with you,” Mitch blurted out, his eyes suddenly wider.
I let out a breath. “I know you love me, Mitch. I’m sorry we had a tense conversation the other night, but honestly, we can just let it slide.”
“No. I don’t mean I love you.”
I furrowed my brow. “Mitch, I know you’ve always said you’re not great with words, but I think even you can do better than this….”
“Shit. I know. I’m sorry,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I’m—I mean—I have always loved you, but that’s not what I’m trying to say right now.”
“So what’s up?”
“I’m in love with you,” he said. “And I think it’s more than just… a friend kind of love. And I never considered it before in my life but I also have spent the last fifteen years pushing down every feeling I had that wasn’t about raising my son. I don’t know if it makes me bisexual or gay or what the hell, but…”
His voice broke off and he took a deep breath, centering himself.
“I was an asshole when you told me about the Switzerland interview. But the thought of losing you only made me realize how much I want you. In every aspect of my life. I’m attracted to you. I want to be with you. I want to touch you, and I want to kiss you, and I want to share a bed with you and fucking come home to you at the end of every day, Evan.”
A gentle breeze passed through the air and I stared at Mitch.
“I know you have… feelings for me, Mitch, but we’ve talked about this,” I said, my voice weak. “I just want something more. I need something more. I know you don’t care about labels, and that you’re terrified of even imagining ever getting married again, but I can’t be with someone who won’t even call me his boyfriend.”
He nodded, his eyes wide. “I know. I know.”
“I am in love with you, too,” I whispered.
“And I finally know what that means,” he replied.
A silence hung between us, the faint sounds of the music from inside coming through the cracks around the door.
“So what are we going to do?” I asked, my voice cracking on the last word. I was choking up already and I hadn’t even known I was that emotional yet.
Mitch swallowed, taking a deep breath. “I know what we’re going to do,” he said.
I sniffled, throwing my hands up in the air. “And what’s that?”
“We’re going to play a game of pool,” Mitch said, standing up a little straighter.
I sighed. “I really have a lot going on—”
“We’re going to play a game of pool, and make a bet.”
I stared at him blankly. I was still a moment away from crying, and so anxious I could barely speak. I couldn’t understand why he was closing the distance between us.
“What?” I whispered.
“A simple game of 8-ball.”
“Mitch—”
“Winner gets to be the loser’s boyfriend,” he said. His eyes lit up. “How’s that for a deal?”
I froze in place, looking up at Mitch’s face in the low light of the parking lot. His big, blue eyes were fixed on me, full of some mix of longing and hopefulness I’d never seen in him.
“You don’t mean that,” I said.
“I really, really mean that,” he said, finally closing the gap between us and putting his hand to the side of my body. His palm felt so warm, and even that slight amount of touch triggered a flood of desire in me, remembering exactly how good it felt to have his hands on me.
“So if I lose… I’m your boyfriend,” I said. “And if you lose, you’re my boyfriend?”
“Ever heard of a win-win situation?” Mitch said, squeezing his hand on me.
“Don’t just do this for me, Mitch—don’t just say these things if you don’t actually feel them, because I’m going to fucking die if I have to get my heart broken one more time,” I said.
“Evan, I’m… still afraid of commitment. I’m still years away from ever wanting to think about marriage again. But I can’t think of anyone who would be a better partner to me than you. I can’t think of anyone who’d be a better boyfriend. And whether you’re in Europe thousands of miles away, or you’re right next to me in bed, I want that.”