Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 96513 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96513 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 483(@200wpm)___ 386(@250wpm)___ 322(@300wpm)
I stomped upstairs and found Candice’s room. I knocked and then entered. Candice was lying in the bed, hooked up to an IV so very similar to Katherine’s. Lars looked pale and uncomfortable.
“How’s it going?” I asked.
“Excellent now,” Candice said. “I have drugs. We’re setting up for an epidural.”
“You don’t look so good, Lars.”
Candice just laughed. “He doesn’t like that we’re going against the birth plan. But I am all about spontaneity. Modern medicine is here for a reason, Lars, darling!” She smiled up at me. “Where’s Katherine? Is she doing all right?”
“She is… downstairs.”
Even though I’d declared to everyone present at the gala that Katherine had anorexia, it felt different to do so here. I’d been in the midst of an emergency. I’d just taken charge, as I so often did. But I’d seen how much it upset her. I didn’t want to destroy her privacy.
“She’s not feeling well.”
“Well, I’ll be here all night. So, she can come see me later when she’s better.” Then, Candice moaned. “Ugh, contraction. Hold on.”
Lars was there, holding her hand as she squeezed through it.
“Phew,” she said. “That wasn’t fun.”
“I’ll leave you guys to this. I can be here later if need be. I’m going to get a drink.”
“Oh my god,” Candice sighed. “I’ll finely get a fucking drink tomorrow. Camden, you’d better be ready with the best gin and tonics in the city.”
I chuckled dryly. “Will do.”
I headed out of the hospital and stared up at the sky of scattered stars overhead. They were hard to see in the city. The pollution and smog obscured most of them, but I could still barely make them out. I wanted to be light-years away from here. So very far away from all of my problems.
My chest tightened with pain and also a hollowness that I knew all too well. I needed my inhaler. I’d been so good without it since Katherine and I made up. Fuck, my lungs felt so tight. Everything hurt.
I buzzed the limo, and it pulled up almost right away. I piled into the backseat and dove toward the box where I’d left the lifesaving device. I found it and took two quick puffs off of it.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I didn’t even feel better.
I lay out longways inside the limousine and stared up at the top of the car as if I could see through it to the sky beyond. Everything hurt. Was it supposed to hurt this much? Was losing her really worth it all?
Fuck, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go on without her. I didn’t even fucking want to.
I might be a bastard in the boardroom, but I didn’t want to lose my wife. I felt adrift with the knowledge that I’d die before letting her go. Actually, literally die. I felt like I could at any moment.
“Where to, sir?” my driver asked.
I closed my eyes and tried to decide what to do. It would probably be smartest to call Court, get wasted at his place, and wake up the next morning, ready to deal with all of this. Somehow, I couldn’t bring my problems to Court’s doorstep. He’d be offended that I ever thought that, but he and English were so happy. I couldn’t even fathom being around anyone that happy right now.
No, I couldn’t stay in the city. I couldn’t stay so close to Katherine and yet so far away.
“Hank’s,” I finally said to the driver.
The car drove off, shepherding me away from the hospital. Katherine had told me to leave. All but forced me out. And yet, I didn’t want to do it.
Stupid.
It was all so fucking stupid.
Was I determined to be just like my father?
Unable to fix anything. Only make problems worse. And then abandon the problem when it got to be too much. Was I just trying to control her the way that my father had always controlled me?
The thought left me feeling sick. I was not my father. I’d spent my life learning to emulate him, to guard myself against his attacks. And also figuring out how to slowly eradicate any part of him that had touched me.
Apparently, I hadn’t done a good enough job.
And in the end, I was just like the old man.
In nearly every way.
* * *
The limo pulled up in front of Hank’s. By then I’d gone through several small bottles of liquor that I’d found in the minibar of the limo. I wasn’t even close to drunk yet, but I was well on my way. Maybe I could convince Monica to slip me a bottle, so I could forget the shitshow that had happened tonight.
I stumbled out of the limo and told my driver to go home. I’d crash at my apartment nearby. He could come get me in the morning, or I’d catch a cab. Right now, I didn’t even fucking care.