Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 109294 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109294 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
With his arms resting on his knees, he looked at me like he hadn’t listened to a word I said. “Trust you? You made me look like an idiot in front of all my men. You know I could never stab a knife in your heart, and you used that against me. Maybe I trusted you before, but I certainly don’t now.”
“I did what I had to do.”
“No, you didn’t have to do it. Your dick is wet all the time because you can’t think about anything except pussy. And pussy makes you weak.”
“It’s not about her.”
“Bullshit it’s not.” He grabbed his glass and threw his head back to take a big drink before he slammed it down. “Ever since that bitch came to this camp, it’s been fucking pandemonium.”
“We needed pandemonium, Fender. We’re better than this. I’ve had to look the other way for years, and I can’t do it anymore. Just because we suffered unspeakable things doesn’t mean we have to make other people suffer unspeakable things. You need to let this go. I am still with you all the way. We can still be the biggest kingpins in France. We just have to do it without including the innocent. That’s all.”
He shook his head as he rubbed his hands together. “And I already told you why we can’t do that. If I could, don’t you think I would’ve already?”
“We can. I give you my word.”
He clenched his jaw and shook his head.
“I’m not gonna let this go, Fender. You can banish me from the camp, but I’m going to get back in here just the way I got into your cabin.”
His eyes narrowed. “Are you threatening me?”
“I’m warning you.”
“Sounds like the same thing to me.”
“Trust me, you would know if I was threatening you.”
He shook his head. “Don’t make me do it when I don’t want to do it.”
“But you do want to stop killing the girls.”
“No, I’m not talking about that.” Both of his hands tightened into fists. “I’m talking about you. If you keep opposing me, you leave me no choice. Don’t put me in that position.”
This had just taken a dark turn.
“Take the girl and go live your life. Don’t interfere with mine.”
“Fender, why won’t you even try?”
He shook his head. “Because I don’t want to take the risk. I’ll never forget how it felt to be powerless, to dig in a garbage can for food, to be at the mercy of someone bigger and stronger than me. I hate what we do to those girls as much as you do. But there is no other way. I care a lot more about my power than their lives. Yes, that means I’ll be damned, but we both know I was damned a long time ago.” He rose to his feet and left the sitting area. “I’m not having this conversation anymore. I made my choice, and you’ve clearly made yours. Come back to the camp, and I’ll do what I have to do…and I guess you’ll do what you have to do too.”
Thirty-Three
Loyalty
Fender left before sunrise.
I didn’t even know he was gone until I went to his cabin and found it vacated. Our conversation didn’t do anything other than solidify the breakdown of our relationship. Doing the right thing cost me my brother, but it wouldn’t have had to cost me anything if he’d just left the darkness and stepped into the light.
I should be angry.
But I wasn’t.
I was disappointed. Really disappointed.
I put him in a position he didn’t want to be in, but he did the exact same thing to me. He wouldn’t give any ground, when I wouldn’t stop pursuing that same ground.
I didn’t speak to Raven much because I was in such a sour mood. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, protecting strangers in the camp when I was about to lose access to it. I also had to protect my brother, because when I came back to put an end to the torture, I couldn’t just kill him. There would be no hesitation to kill the other guards, but with him, I just couldn’t do it.
Raven knew I didn’t want to talk, so she didn’t try to open me up. It was another reason why I knew she was the right woman for me. She understood exactly who I was and didn’t try to change me. If I didn’t want to talk, she let it be.
We were together almost every moment of the day, so we didn’t always have something to say. We found this comfortable silence, unspoken camaraderie, and it made me feel less alone despite the loneliness in my heart. Ever since I became an adult, it’d always been Fender and me. Without him, I wasn’t even sure who I was.
But having Raven made that a little easier.