Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 130159 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130159 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Yeah, Seth probably hadn’t slept in days. He definitely hadn’t last night since he’d come in from the cheating-spouse case, then left immediately for Palm Springs. He hadn’t slept much the night before the battle, either. Beck would concede that, but… “Why didn’t you call? We would have picked you up and brought you home.”
“I thought a twenty-minute power nap would be enough. Then I planned to tackle the rest of my to-do list. It’s not a big deal. Why are you here, up my ass?”
Really? “Up your ass? Oh, I haven’t even started to put my foot up your ass yet. You didn’t see Heavenly’s face when you said you weren’t coming home. Again. Are you avoiding us because you know we’re going to ask questions you don’t want to answer?”
“No, man. Work is just fucking busy. This case…”
“You mean the one you and River solved today?”
Surprise crossed Seth’s face before he banked it. “He told you that?”
“Yep. When he told me how to get into this place. So if it’s not the case anymore—”
“I still have paperwork. I still run a business. That shit takes time, you know.”
“Yep. I deal with paperwork and patient charts every fucking day. I still manage to come home to our girl most nights.” Beck leaned in, pointing a finger in Seth’s chest. “Want to know what I think?”
Seth rolled his eyes. “Even if I say no, you’re going to tell me.”
“Damn straight. You opened your mouth at the lodge and said something you wish you could take back. Now you’re trying to backpedal by lying to us—and yourself. For some reason, the truth bothers you. I don’t think you finished grieving your family and—”
“The fuck I didn’t. I went through days of denial. I buried them, still trying to grapple with what the hell had happened. You think I wasn’t angry? Oh, fuck, was I ever. Furious. Lava-hot, gut-churning rage like I’d never felt in my goddamn life. I tried to bargain with God and anyone I thought would listen. I would have gladly slit my own throat if I thought it would bring them back, but that shit never works, and we all know it. So I moved on. I spent the next few years depressed as fuck. I stopped going to Graffiti. I couldn’t stand Christmas. I just wanted every well-meaning friend and family member to leave me the fuck alone. Of course they wouldn’t, especially my mom. And finally, I accepted that the wife and child, who were my responsibility, were gone and that they had died on my watch.” Seth poked Beck in the chest and sent him stumbling back a pace or two. “So fuck your theory that I haven’t finished grieving.”
“Okay.” He held up his hands. “So you have survivor’s guilt?”
“Wouldn’t you? Didn’t you have survivor’s guilt about Blessing? Imagine that shit times a hundred.”
“Yeah, I did. And I ended the bastard who killed her. What did you do? Because I know you didn’t kill your family yourself and you didn’t let their deaths go unpunished. Is that why you ‘went off the deep end and did things you’re not proud of?’”
“Yeah. But that’s all water under the bridge now.”
“Is it?”
“I did what I needed to do and I walked away over six and a half years ago, so yeah. It’s over and done. Leave it the fuck alone.”
Beck was dying to know what Seth had “needed to do”, but if it had been that long ago, the steps he’d taken to understand their deaths or avenge them or whatever were moot now.
Seth’s feelings, however, weren’t. Those were causing them problems.
“I can’t. If it’s over and done with, why are you sleeping here? Why does it seem like you’re avoiding us? Does this have anything to do with Zach?”
Cooper blanched. “I don’t care if you moved your brother in. He needs help, and there’s plenty of room.”
“So being around him while he’s processing the murders of his wife and daughter doesn’t bother you at all? It doesn’t exhume the fury and anguish you dealt with after losing Autumn and Tristan?”
“Is it comfortable? No. But he’s not the reason I’m at the office instead of home. I. Have. Work. I know you get that.”
“I do. But I’m sorry I moved Zach into the house without asking you or Heavenly how you felt about that and without thinking about how that might impact you. It was a knee-jerk reaction because I remember crawling out of Messiah City and feeling alone in a world I didn’t understand. I wanted to spare my brother some of the difficulty and confusion—”
“And you should. If that was one of my brothers, I’d do the same. Besides, it’s your house. Do what you want with it.”
“It’s our house. I’ve said that enough that you ought to know it. So if Zach being there is a problem for you, I’ll find somewhere else for him. The condo, maybe. Just say the word.”