Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 115737 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115737 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 579(@200wpm)___ 463(@250wpm)___ 386(@300wpm)
‘What the hell are you thinking?’ Lizzy jumps in, pointing her wine glass towards the door, as if there could be any confusion about what she’s talking about. ‘I knew you were hiding something.’
‘Is it any wonder?’ I ask. ‘Why would I confide in you when I knew you would be like this? I don’t expect you to understand.’
‘What’s to understand?’ Micky pipes up, dropping to a chair. ‘All this time you’ve been lying to us. You’re going where no one should go.’
‘Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I walked into this with my eyes closed?’
‘You must have.’ Micky laughs bitterly.
‘This isn’t a game,’ I shout. ‘He’s not a trophy to be won. I fucking love him!’ I shock myself with the decibel level of my voice, and Lizzy and Micky’s eyes bug. But I don’t give either of them an opportunity to come back at me with their thoughts. Not until they know the deal. ‘I’ve torn myself to shreds repeatedly!’ I yell. ‘I’ve beaten myself up and constantly dreaded the consequences, but none of it has made me lose sight of how I feel. I can’t pretend I don’t feel this way. I can’t turn my back on it because I’m scared.’ My voice is starting to quiver, but I soldier on, determined to try and make them see things from my perspective. ‘He’s worth the shit I know I’m going to go through, because I love him. So much it fucking hurts right here.’ I thump my chest. ‘It frightens me, but the thought of not having him, of coming out of this mess without him, fucking terrifies me.’ I finish off my speech with a long glug of wine, shaking as I bring the glass down to the worktop. ‘I’m not asking you to give me your blessing. I’m just asking you not to assume you know the deal, because you don’t.’
‘He’s not yours to take, Annie,’ Lizzy says quietly. ‘Don’t go there, please.’
‘It’s too late.’ I drop my eyes to the floor. ‘And I’m not taking him. He’s coming to me willingly.’
‘Do you think his wife will see it like that?’ Micky asks. ‘And anyone else?’
‘No,’ I admit. ‘But one thing I’m having to come to terms with is that I can’t control how people will see me. I’ve been through all the labels that I’ll have slapped on me. Home-wrecker, slut, whore, selfish bitch. But none of them hurt as much as the thought of being without Jack. He’s miserable in his marriage. That mark on his face is because of her. She did that to him!’
There’s a brief silence and both of them look at me, stunned. ‘Oh shit,’ Lizzy sighs, discarding her wine glass, shaking her head. She might not understand, but she comprehends how I feel about Jack. Coming over to me, she wraps an arm around my shoulders, giving me a half cuddle. ‘What have you got yourself into, Annie?’
‘Love,’ I reply simply, because that little four-letter word is the only explanation for me venturing down this painful road.
The moment Jack’s eyes met mine in that bar, our hearts began to slowly entwine, and now they’re tangled so tightly I have no choice but to battle forward and hope we can’t be ripped apart, because if Jack leaves me, he will take part of my heart with him. I’ll be destroyed. The growing lump in my throat expands and I break down in Lizzy’s arms. I hear Micky curse, and I hear a soft sob come from Lizzy too. I cry into her shoulder quietly, grateful for the comfort she’s been forced into giving me, until she pulls away and holds me by my shoulders. Her eyes are glassy with tears as she wipes mine, her face sad.
‘You stupid girl,’ she says tenderly, her voice broken with emotion. ‘Part of me is so happy that you’ve found a man you’re so in love with, and the other part of me is full of dread for you.’
I swallow on a nod of understanding, feeling exactly the same. Micky audibly sighs and comes over, wrapping his big arms around both of us. ‘My brain is officially pink,’ he mutters, kissing each of our heads in turn. ‘For fuck’s sake.’
A mild cough interrupts us, and our little crowd breaks up. ‘I didn’t want to interrupt,’ Jack says.
‘You’d better be there for her,’ Micky warns harshly.
Jack doesn’t retaliate, and he doesn’t look insulted that Micky’s more or less threatening him. I hold back from telling my friends that I need to be there for him too. ‘I will be,’ Jack answers, not wavering at all.
‘And if you break her heart, I swear I’ll kill you.’
‘There’ll be no need,’ Jack counters coolly, turning his calm grey eyes onto me. ‘If I hurt her, I’ll kill myself before you can get to me.’