Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 86596 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 433(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86596 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 433(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
I wonder what advice she’d give me if she were here.
She was always so wise. So badass.
“So after we got past the inquisition, we got to the point. She says she isn’t sure that Keith is the father since she got pregnant while she and I were still living together.”
“And?”
“And…I’m not sure if I believe her. I don’t think I’m the father. I couldn’t be.”
“Why?”
Eli’s laughter is sardonic, filling the airway between us. “Because. You have to have sex in order to get someone pregnant, and for the life of me, I can’t remember fucking her anytime around the dates she would have gotten pregnant based on her due date. I was traveling a lot, so the odds are slim.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“Yeah, of course—but she’s adamant.” He’s quiet for a few moments. “I thought I knew her pretty well, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t trust her at all—no. Not a part of me, all of me doesn’t trust her.”
“So what will you do?”
“Well. What I did was jerk off in a cup and get a DNA test. We’re already waiting for the results.”
Oh.
He did the test already. “You don’t waste any time, do you?”
Eli laughs again. “She’s fucking with my life, Molly, so of course I want to know. I haven’t been able to sleep, I haven’t been able to eat. You’re giving me the silent treatment. The whole thing is such a mind fuck.”
I haven’t been able to sleep, and I haven’t been able to eat because you’re giving me the silent treatment.
My mouth opens. Closes. “I had no idea what to say to you, that’s why.”
I can almost hear him nodding on the other end of the line. “I get it.” A long breath out. “I don’t blame you if you think I’m a scumbag douchebag and you never want to speak to me again.”
That’s being a bit melodramatic, but I understand the sentiment. He wouldn’t blame me if I broke things off and never wanted to see him again.
But would things be the same if he wasn’t the father? Could we carry on as we were before like nothing had happened? Would things still be the same, or are they so far gone they can’t be salvaged?
“I don’t think you’re a scumbag douchebag.” I laugh, sort of. “I just think…until you know one way or another…” It’s as if Laura has taken the wind out of both our sails, crushing this fantasy daydream I’d been living for the past few weeks. “Until you know one way or another, we should maybe…”
I hear him nodding again.
I hear him swallow the lump in his throat. “If that’s what you want.”
It’s not what I want.
Not at all.
This isn’t me being a good friend to him. This isn’t me being a wingman. This isn’t me being loving and supportive—the exact thing he needs from me right now.
This is the opposite of everything, but I can’t take it back.
“I don’t know what I want, Elias.”
I just know I don’t want whatever Laura is bringing to the party.
“Molly.”
Don’t say my name like that, I want to tell him. Don’t say it in that crimpled, wounded way.
My heart breaks at the sound.
“Hmm.” Is the only sound I can form, for I too have a giant lump in my throat, making it impossible to speak.
“I just want you to know…”
Yes?
I lean into the call, lean into my phone, and want to drink in his next words.
“I just want you to know that I think you’re…” He swallows again, voice cracking. Clears this throat. “You’re…literally the best thing to happen to me in a really long time.”
“Oh my god.” Eyes squeezing shut, I feel tears escaping from my lids. “Don’t tell me that.”
“You are,” he croaks. “I’m sorry I did this to you.”
“You didn’t do this to me,” I amend, feeling a gut punch. “You didn’t do this to either of us.”
There’s a pause. Then he tries to clear his voice again but fails. “Molly, what if the baby is mine?” Pause. “What if I’m a dad?”
“You…” I’m hoarse, throat scratchy. “You’d make an amazing dad, Eli.”
He’s crying now, quiet sobs.
Anguished.
“Do you want me to come over?”
I feel as though I should hold him. Let him cry on my shoulder and be his rock.
“No, Jack is on his way. I called him because I didn’t think you’d want to see me again.”
He says it whisper soft and broken.
Devastating.
“Molly?” He says my name again.
“Yes?”
“Why couldn’t it have been you?”
I shake my head, tears flowing out of my eyes I’m unable to see the room around me.
“Because it can’t be me, Eli. This is...” I can’t say it. I can’t form sentences. “Everything happens for a r-reason.”
I don’t believe my own stupid words, not this time.
Maybe Nan was wrong. Maybe there is no good reason for this happening, not to me. Not to him.