Total pages in book: 8
Estimated words: 6599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 33(@200wpm)___ 26(@250wpm)___ 22(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 6599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 33(@200wpm)___ 26(@250wpm)___ 22(@300wpm)
Have no fear, because I have come out the other side with knowledge for you four to cash in on. It’s simple. It’s actually so simple that I’m mad at myself for not realizing it sooner. Instead of asking your woman where she wants to eat, thus giving her the power to drive you fucking crazy, reword your question. Don’t ask ‘what do you want to eat for dinner? Instead, say, ‘guess where I’m taking you for dinner? Whatever food joint she says first, pick that fucking place.
If she’s in a mood and doesn’t give a direct answer, give not-so-subtle hints by saying shit like ‘it’s your absolute favorite place to eat’. If she still doesn’t get in then act sad and disappointed that she doesn’t care enough that you’re going out of your way for her.
The pity party works nine times out of ten, and you won’t catch me judging you for it. You use whatever you possibly can to avoid an argument because as the saying goes ... happy wife, happy life.
Chapter Nine
SAVE THE DATES … LITERALLY
* * *
This seems like such a simple thing to be in the guide, I know, but it’s here to help you. Everything has a time, a date, and a location, right? You know this, but what you really need to know is the date, time and location of every little special thing that has ever happened between you and your woman or you will be the worse person in history. This goes from your first kiss, first hook up to the first moment you held back her hair while she puked into a toilet. I know what you’re thinking, what the fuck would I store that information away for? I’m here to tell you why: you’ll get laid more often.
—Know your relationship history ... don’t let her get the jump on you—
You’d be surprised how often random points in history can be suddenly brought to light, and how quickly you can find yourself faced with overwhelming odds that you’re about to be in for the headache of a lifetime. Knowing certain dates for special moments will show your woman that you care enough to remember those points in your life. That awful headache? It can be prevented if only you remember shit. Women are attracted to shit like this, it’s not rocket science. They will throw out random questions about these points in history to test you, to test your relationship, and if you’re prepared, you’ll surprise her and maybe she will return the favor, and pleasantly surprise you with a blow job, or better yet, pussy.
If you want to take shit a step further, you can be the one to throw out the questions about your past. Test your woman on how well she knows you, and the relationship you both share. Trust me when I say she will not expect being interrogated since she is usually the one demanding answers to tricky questions. One of two things will happen in this situation, you’ll either get a cute response and be reminded of how much you love your wife, or your lady will draw a complete blank to your question, and in order to save face with you, she’ll initiate a sexual act to distract you. You will be happily distracted, and she will be none the wiser that you used her evil genius against her.
Everyone wins, especially you.
You’re welcome.
Chapter Ten
DOUBLE MEANINGS … THEY ARE EVERYWHERE
* * *
There are words, sentences, and even breathing patterns that women use that have a completely different meaning than what we as men are led to believe. It’s a mind fuck, and I’m sure the four of you have been stumped more than once by these switch ups, but relax, I’m here to guide you with a glossary of words that I’ve decoded for your you to view at your leisure.
Fine—When a woman says this during an argument, she knows she is right and that you are very wrong. She is not fine, you are not fine, nothing is fine. Do not talk back when she says something is fine; wait until she is calm to mention that she might be wrong. Seven business days is a safe bet, double that if her eye twitched at any point when she spoke the word.
Nothing—By the might of God, when a woman says nothing is wrong, something is definitely fucking wrong. Prepare for battle, because she is suiting up for a war, and you will be her target.
Whatever—This is another way for ladies to say fuck you. Approach the conversation, and your woman, with extreme caution if she uses this word. You have a five to ten second window to respond with something that will stop the impending argument in its track. I advise offering to give her a massage, or to cook her food. Better yet, offer both.