Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 55048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55048 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 275(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 183(@300wpm)
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She smiled sadly. “I’m so exhausted. All that stuff with Luke earlier, it just…drained me, I guess. And I have to be up early, so I need to get to bed.”
“Is he doing better?”
She nodded. “They gave him something intravenously for the headache and something to help relax him. He’s sleeping.”
“I’m here if you need anything. Except that I’m going on a road trip tomorrow. But if you need to talk, call me anytime.”
A tiny worry wrinkle appeared between her brows. “Please don’t tell anyone what I told you. That’s Luke’s private medical information and I don’t want the whole world knowing about it.”
“I understand. I won’t tell anyone—you have my word.”
“Thanks,” she said softly. “Have a good trip.”
I gently squeezed her shoulder. “I’m here if you need me.”
She nodded, turned away, and walked to her door. I watched her until she was inside, and then I unlocked my own door.
I sat down on my couch, staring into the darkness as I processed what Elle had just told me. Now that I knew what was driving her, I understood her a lot better.
And, for better or worse, I wanted her more than ever.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Elle
“Smells like pancakes,” Luke said when he walked into the kitchen from his bedroom.
“Because I made pancakes,” I said from the couch.
“What time it is? Why aren’t you at work?”
I set down the book I was reading on the couch. “I took the day off.”
His expression turned guilty. “You didn’t need to do that. I know last night was rough, but I’m fine now.”
Last night had been more than rough for me. I hadn’t realized how traumatic it would be to see my brother having one of his episodes again. It had been a few years since I’d been around him enough to see one. Last night had been a mix of terror and worry for me. Of wanting to run away and being relieved that I was there to take care of him at the same time.
“I love you, Luke,” I said gently.
“Here we go. Can I just eat some pancakes and go workout?”
I stood and walked into the kitchen. “You need to see a doctor.”
He scoffed. “How many doctors have I seen over the years, Elle? At least thirty. Not one of them helped me. You know what they all said—if I have CTE, there’s no treatment.”
“There’s counseling.”
He poured a mug of coffee and took a drink before responding.
“Look, I know you mean well, but talking about my headaches and mood swings isn’t going to make them go away.”
“No, but maybe it’ll help you cope. You’ve been coping in unhealthy ways and if you don’t get help, it’s only a matter of time before you turn to something unhealthy again.”
“Thanks for the tip, Dr. Phil.”
I went over to the stove, where he was piling pancakes onto a plate. Luke had been struggling for years, but he had always failed to recognize how hard it was for his family to walk this road with him.
“Hey,” I said sharply. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m the only one you’ve got left.”
“Yeah, I’m aware the rest of the family wants nothing to do with me.”
His apathetic tone set something off inside me. Luke was indifferent to what seeing him suffer did to me.
“Dad and Gram and Gramps didn’t turn you away because they don’t love you. It was because they love you that they couldn’t watch you self-destruct anymore.”
He tossed the tongs on the counter and turned to face me. “I didn’t choose this, you know. I didn’t realize I was fucking my brain up with hockey.”
“Lie to yourself if you want, but don’t lie to me,” I said, holding his gaze. “You knew the concussions put you at risk for brain injuries. But you wanted to follow in Dad’s footsteps. And why does it even matter now? We are where we are.”
His eyes blazed with anger. “We? No, we don’t get headaches that make us want to run into traffic just to make them stop. We aren’t broke with no future. That’s me. Just me.”
“You don’t think I’m in this with you?” My voice broke with emotion. “All I want is for you to see in yourself what I see in you. That you’re worth trying for. You’re worth a thousand doctor visits if it gets you some relief and some help.”
His expression fell. “I don’t have any money or health insurance. I’m just getting by one day at a time.”
“I’ll help you.”
He shook his head. “You’ve already done too much. All I want is some sense of normalcy. I just want to find a job and live a regular life.”
“But if you’ll go to rehab, Gram and Gramps will”
“I don’t want it!” he yelled. “I don’t want their money and I don’t need to go to rehab. You’ve seen me—I’m fine. Have I been doing drugs since I got here?”