Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
My mind was spinning as the words fell from his mouth. I could hear him, yet my thoughts wouldn’t allow his sentiments to stick. My mind was working too hard on trying to make me retreat because my messed-up thoughts were already certain he’d leave at some point. Maybe not today. But what about tomorrow?
Why wouldn’t he?
He left before.
Wesley left.
Mama left.
Maybe that was the one that cut the deepest. Maybe that was the one where my fear of abandonment truly took flight. Mama left me with nothing but trauma and a jaded mindset of what love could be because, in the end, that was what love did. It went away. Nothing in life was promised, and every human would leave this planet the same way—alone.
Even if I held on to Nathan for the rest of my life, there would be a day that I’d lose him, a day I’d have to let go, and I wasn’t sure that my heart could take that. I wasn’t certain that I could face a realm where he’d left me.
So I’d leave first.
I’d pretend to be hard when weakness was all I felt.
“Better to leave now than ten years down the road,” I murmured, my voice shaking from fear.
“What happened to heart over head?”
“I realized that was a stupid way to live,” I replied.
The flash of pain that hit his eyes almost made my own eyes cry. I’d never seen him look as broken as he had at that very moment. He swallowed hard and stepped to the side of the door, making a clear path for me to leave. “Just like that, huh?” he asked.
“Yup.” I sniffled and rolled my shoulders back. “Just like that.”
“Then go,” he whispered, his voice cracking.
I stood as tall as I could even though I felt extremely fragile. As I stepped out of the front door, Nathan said, “Congratulations, Avery, you did it. You pushed me away. You can have your life, and I’ll go on with mine. But just so you know, all I wanted—all I’ve ever wanted—was for this. For us. I just wanted another chance to love you.”
He turned and walked into his house, leaving me standing there to close the door for him. It only seemed right, seeing as I was walking away this time, not him.
I got into my car, and I only made it a few minutes down the road before I burst into tears. I couldn’t breathe, let alone drive. After pulling the car over, I reached for my phone and dialed Willow’s number.
“Hey, Ave. What’s up?” Willow asked.
I sobbed on the phone, unable to get any words out.
“Okay, okay. Hey, it’s all right. What’s going on? Where are you?”
I somehow managed to state where I was located. She heard me loud and clear.
“Don’t worry,” she swore. “I’m on my way.”
When she showed up in Big Bird, she parked right behind my car. She climbed out of her vehicle and rushed to my passenger seat.
“I’m sorry,” I cried as she pulled me into her arms. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I kept repeating. I wasn’t certain if I was apologizing for inconveniencing her time or if I was still apologizing to Nathan for leaving. Or maybe I was apologizing to my own heart for breaking it again.
“You’re okay. You’re fine. I got you,” she swore, pulling me closer to her as she hugged me. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
I sobbed even harder when she said those words.
Because I knew they were a lie.
42
NATHAN
The problem with breaking up with Avery was the fact that the baseball postseason wasn’t over yet. We still had two weeks left together. We’d still had to interact in front of the guys, day in and day out, as if nothing was different between us.
She’d do her best to act unfazed by the fact that she ripped my fucking heart out and stomped it out while she went over strategies. I hated everything about it. What I hated more was that she seemed…okay. She seemed fine with the fact that we weren’t us anymore. We didn’t even get long enough to really become us, either. It felt like déjà vu. Our shot at happiness was once again being ripped away prematurely.
“You got everything for the final tournament games?” she asked me as I stood in her office. She began packing up her paperwork. She’d been avoiding eye contact, but that wasn’t unusual over the past few days. She’d been working her ass off to avoid looking my way.
Her damn stubbornness was going to be the death of me.
“Yup. We’re all set. The bus will be here at two to transfer us to Ridgedale.”
“Perfect.” She picked up her duffel bag and tossed the strap onto her shoulder. “If there’s anything else you need before—”
“How the hell are you all right?” I snapped, getting more and more annoyed with her nonchalant persona. “How are you acting like everything’s all fine and dandy when I’m sitting here fucking broken?”