Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122219 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
We would’ve been introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Gable.
The room would’ve erupted into cheers.
There would’ve been cake cutting and dancing.
We’d be eating top-of-the-line food because Alex would’ve only prepared the best of the best.
There would’ve been a hot dog food truck for late-night snacks because I had an unnatural love for hot dogs.
Drew would’ve insulted me somehow, but I wouldn’t care because I would’ve been drunk on prosecco and love.
We would’ve watched fireworks.
Wesley would’ve kissed me.
I would’ve kissed him back.
Yet a part of me would’ve wondered if I were happy. A part of me would’ve pondered if I made the right choice in going through with the marriage. We were good before Drew came into the picture. Well, we were okay. I did avoid accepting his proposal at first, but that was just because I had a fear of commitment. I loved him.
Right?
Yes.
Of course.
I loved him.
One hundred percent.
It was me who was hard to love, not Wesley.
Stop it, Avery. He literally left you on your wedding day.
My brain was trying its hardest to talk down my overthinking heart. Yet it was next to impossible for it to happen. The thing about one’s heart was that it felt so deeply, even if the brain told it to shut off.
I wanted to feel less.
I wanted my heart to stop beating, and the numbness that I told Nathan I felt to be true. I wanted to erase the tear that danced down my cheek from his memory so he wouldn’t know that I was still capable of feeling pain.
The jazz music played in the background as I allowed my face to slip under the water. I held my breath as I hovered beneath the water and bubbles as long as I could. I wanted to disappear for a moment. Escape to a land far, far away from reality. I wanted to turn off my emotions for a little while.
I wanted my hurting to just…stop.
The worst part of being human was emotions. I didn’t comprehend why we had to be able to feel. I hated feeling. I hated breathing. I hated Wesley.
No, I loved him.
Or maybe I hated and loved him. Perhaps both things could exist at the same time, and that was what upset me. I hated that I loved him, and I loved that I hated him.
After I stayed beneath the surface as long as I could, I came up for air and raked my hands through my hair. Willow’s flower petals fell from my strands and landed in the tub.
I didn’t even want flowers in my hair. I hated flowers in my hair. It felt so far from me, but I wanted to be right for him. I wanted him to look at me and call me beautiful.
A beautiful bride.
Nathan.
Oh gosh, I’m in Nathan Pierce’s bathtub on my wedding day!
I instantly slipped back underwater.
After the longest bath of my life, I climbed out and dried myself with the towel that Nathan slipped into his towel warmer. Yes, he had a towel warmer. I wanted to mock him about it, but it felt like stepping straight into heaven. I tightened the towel around my body and poured the remainder of the wine into my glass as I walked over to his sink countertop. I looked at myself and saw how my makeup was smeared from how many times I sank beneath the water’s surface.
I looked awful.
As bad as a person who was left on their wedding day would look, I suppose.
Without permission, I grabbed one of Nathan’s black face towels and began cleaning my face using his face wash on the countertop. I scrubbed every drop of makeup away, and a small, broken smile fell against my face as I looked at my reflection. At least I looked a little more like myself again. A little more like Mama.
I began digging through my hair, pulling out the million and one bobby pins. Once I was free from the bondage of pins, I shook out my wet hair and searched Nathan’s cabinet drawers for a hairbrush.
As I opened a drawer, I paused when I saw condoms sitting stacked in the drawer.
With haste, I shut it.
With curiosity, I reopened it.
With more haste, I shut it.
With more curiosity, I reopened it.
Magnum.
XXL.
Heavy on the XXL.
I picked up the pack and read the side. For extra length and extra width.
“Geez!” I muttered, tossing the condoms back in the drawer and shutting it for good. When Nathan and I were younger, we never crossed that line. I was waiting until marriage. However I often wondered what equipment he was working with. My imagination took me to all kinds of places, but my goodness.
XXL.
I shook my head, trying to erase the thoughts from my mind. The drunkenness was kicking in as I downed the rest of the wine in my glass.