Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 136743 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136743 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 684(@200wpm)___ 547(@250wpm)___ 456(@300wpm)
“Good luck, Amber,” I say, forestalling any more of her lies and taking one last look at the little boy with Edward’s eyes. “You’ll need it.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
JUDAH
You sure you’re okay with the boys staying over?” I ask Tremaine, the phone pressed between my ear and shoulder as I walk a sandwich and a beer from the kitchen to my office.
“Of course,” she says. “We missed them while you were in Maryland. Kent mentioned a New Year’s Day hike up Stone Mountain.”
“They’ll love that,” I reply, not sure they actually will but already turning my mind to the pile of work I’ve neglected over the holiday break.
“They can stay with us a few more days if you want them to,” she says. “Since they don’t have to go back to school yet.”
I pause at the double doors leading into my office, plate and frosted glass still in hand. “Do you want them to? They can anytime. I don’t have to tell you that.”
“Of course. It’s not like I don’t see them every day. I sometimes miss having them in the house during the week, though. Having them just on the weekends and holidays…”
“It’s not set like that.” I frown. “You know you can have them whenever you want.”
“Yeah, but I hate disrupting their routine. Besides,” she says softly, “they prefer being with you.”
“That’s not true, or at least it’s not that simple.” I walk into the office and set the sandwich and drink down, then perch on the edge of my desk. “Aaron prefers being here and got really attached to me when he was having a hard time sleeping. And Adam doesn’t want to be anywhere Aaron is not. It’s a miracle we got him to attend Harrington on his own.”
“I know it’s not personal, but at first it kind of felt that way. Kids always choose their moms, right?” Self-mocking laughter threads her words, though the tiniest fiber of hurt ribbons through them.
“I’m sorry.” I blow out an extended breath. “We don’t have the typical setup, and our life looks different from most. We made the best choices we could for each other and for them.”
“I don’t want you to feel bad, Judah. Do you know how many women in my parent support groups wish they had a partner as involved as you’ve been? Or even around? So many of them just leave and send money, if that.”
Her deep inhalation reaches across the line.
“You did not only what was best for them,” she continues, her voice softening, “you did what was good for me. So many moms lose their careers until their kids are almost grown. You didn’t let that happen to me.”
“How would that have been fair?” I ask. “We both had goals, careers. Why would I let that happen to you?”
“You’re so used to being this way, you don’t even realize how extraordinary it is, but I do.”
It’s silent for a few moments because I don’t always know how to respond in conversations like this. It feels so self-evident. We were partners. We were a team. We still are.
“Anyway,” I say, shifting the conversation to more comfortable ground. “Thanks again for taking them tonight, and they can stay until it’s time for school on Monday if you want.”
“We both know Aaron will want his bed before then,” she laughs. “But tonight for sure. Let’s see how long he lasts.”
“Sounds good. Mama told me to tell you not to be a stranger.”
“She called me this morning. She was cooking black-eyed peas, collards, and cornbread when we talked. Inspired me to make my New Year’s meal too. We’ll see if the boys eat it.”
“Don’t set yourself up for disappointment,” I chuckle. “You better have a box of macaroni and cheese on standby because you already know that’s what they’ll want.”
“I gotta try.” She laughs. “Hold on. Okay. Kent says it’s time for the hike. We’ll chat later.”
After we hang up, I sink gratefully into the chair behind my desk, slip on my reading glasses, and open the laptop for the first time in days. There’s a comfort in the familiar cells of the spreadsheet. I get stressed about my money, always making sure there will be enough of it to take care of the boys when I’m gone, but other people’s money is like a playground, especially when there’s as much of it to manage as CalPot offers. And as stressful as my job should be, it never really is. My work has been an outlet, something to relieve whatever challenges I have at home. Something I’m good at and always get right. In parenthood, especially with our circumstances, I’ve often felt like I was failing. Not for want of trying, but just not having all the answers or ways to make things better.
But things are better.
My sons are in a good place, generally, besides the usual speed bumps. Tremaine is happy, which is really important to me.