Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 60342 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 302(@200wpm)___ 241(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60342 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 302(@200wpm)___ 241(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
“I’m sorry.”
“I had a new experience and wanted to share it with you every day. And so many times, I was lonely and scared, holed up in a hotel room with no one to talk to. And I called you, and you didn’t answer.”
“I live with that regret every day of my life.”
“It’s even more than that. I wanted to share your wins and be there for you when you needed me. I wanted to hear about your job and listen to your stories. Gosh, I missed your stories. And you just ripped it away from me because someone told you to?”
I scrub my face with my hands, wishing we hadn’t gone to Maggie’s. I hate that I didn’t know any of this. That, once again, I was ignored. My feelings, my heart was ignored. These men are supposed to love me. Not crush me.
“What else is there I don’t know? Are there more secrets swimming around out there that someone decided I didn’t need to know?”
His jaw sets. “Yeah. There is.”
I was only kidding. I was being a dick. I didn’t expect there to be more.
“Troy Castelli has been here since you arrived,” Luke deadpans.
“You have to be fucking kidding me.”
“He showed up the next morning and told me your label dispatched him. He said there were threats to your life, ones you may not take seriously, so I shouldn’t tell you.”
I gasp. “You’re one of them.”
“What?”
“You. You’re just one of them.”
He laughs menacingly. “You know what? You’re going too far. I understand you’re pissed, but do not act like I’m out to hurt you. That’s not fair.”
“You wanna know what’s not fair?”
“I know, I know,” he says, his voice carrying on the wind. “Why don’t you stop for one minute and think this through? I know people have put you through some shit, Laina. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for not being there for you. You have absolutely no idea what I’d do to go back and change it. To realize then the games being played that I was too naive even to comprehend.” He takes a step toward me. “But I can’t, and I wasn’t.”
I battle tears from falling down my cheeks.
“You’ve been treated so badly by everyone that you expect it,” he says, shaking his head in disbelief. “You know me, Laina. You know how much I fucking love you. You know my heart. Yet when things get hard, you expect me to hurt you.”
Hot, salty rivers flow down my face because he’s right. I expect everyone to hurt me … including him.
It’s not right. I know that. I wish to hell that I didn’t feel this way. But I’m afraid to stop expecting it because what happens when I’m unprepared?
I’ll be crushed.
And I’m the only one I can trust to keep me from being crushed.
He levels his gaze with mine. “I would never hurt you. Not on purpose. And every decision I made was to save you pain. Do you think boarding the flight home from Cleveland was easy without you? It was one of the worst days of my life. But I did it. I broke my heart because I believed it would save yours.”
We stand under the dark sky not as a couple but as two injured hearts shielding ourselves from the other.
“Let’s go inside and get some rest,” he says, dejected. “We can figure this out tomorrow.”
“I’ll take the couch.”
He shakes his head and takes the stairs. “Take the bed. I’m not going to sleep anyway.”
Instead of going to the sofa, he goes right into the kitchen and out the back door. I watch as the light comes on in the barn, and he doesn’t return.
I go upstairs and cry myself to sleep.
It won’t be the first time.
It probably won’t be the last.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Luke
I print out the last two invoices and stick them in the pile on the corner of my desk. They need envelopes and stamps because I can’t figure out how to bill customers electronically. Most of them are older and wouldn’t know what to do with an e-invoice, anyway. Although I’m out here for a distraction and have been for the past two hours, I don’t have the gumption to deal with the envelopes.
My heart fucking hurts.
I hate that she thinks I’d hurt her on purpose.
I can’t stand that she’s been through so much that her natural reaction is to assume the worst.
I wish to God that I wouldn’t have left that stadium without seeing her that night, but I promise the man upstairs that I won’t make the same mistake twice if he’ll help me show her how much I love her.
Who can I talk to about this? Gavin would look for a quick fix. Mallet is still pissy about his divorce, so his advice would be questionable at best. I don’t have the energy for Kate the Romantic, and Chase … Chase might actually be a good candidate. He has a wife. Somehow. He’s usually a jerk, so he won’t suggest courses of action full of fluff. He doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s feelings unless their names are Megan or Kennedy.