Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
I signaled to Jake to take over for a moment while I ate some yogurt and went to the tab about the cutter we’d return to. Legend-class cutter, to be accurate, 418 feet long. Roughly one hundred people on board. Important information.
“What does an average day at sea look like for y’all?” Jake asked.
That was good. That one should keep Joel talking for a moment.
Was he gay?
I stayed in the background and pretended to work in the office, but Joel had my attention even though I couldn’t see him. He and Jake had moved toward the hallway, and they were discussing April, when we’d be back in San Diego.
I didn’t fucking know Joel’s orientation, but it was clear he was more interested in talking to Jake than me. Soon as the podcast had ended, they had forgotten their surroundings and shared anecdotes about past deployments. Jake had soaked it up. All grins and passion.
I wasn’t jealous.
When their voices faded, I left my desk and hurried over to the door. From there, I could hear better.
“…and maybe after?” Joel asked quietly.
Fuck, I wished I could see them. But if I went down the hall, Jake would spot me as soon as Joel had walked out the door.
“I’ll let you think about it,” Joel chuckled. “Text me when you get to San Diego.”
I narrowed my eyes and stiffened. His tone was…I didn’t know, indicating something personal. He sounded more than friendly. He was flirting.
“Yeah, sure. Will do.” That was Jake. My clueless Jake. Or maybe he was catching on.
I heard the door open and saw the stream of light appear across the floorboards.
“See you in a few weeks, Jake.”
Yeah, get out. Go.
“Definitely. Safe journey back to base.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek as a swirl of unease rushed through me. Despite that Jake wasn’t into men sexually, it bothered me that he might find Joel a more interesting friend. Which was completely fucked up on my part. I knew that. But having gone all in on the married life, I was afraid of being replaced. Not entirely, obviously; I wasn’t that insecure. But someone would, logically, fill the void I’d left behind when I had taken a step back.
Nobody needed to tell me I was the douchebag in this scenario. I just…wanted Jake to myself.
Fuck me, I was his Sandra. What was wrong with me?
I swallowed hard, and Jake closed the door.
So I positioned myself in the doorway and waited for him to appear, because I had to get some answers. At least one or two. I wanted to see his face, read his expression.
He eventually left the hallway, and he slowed to a stop and rubbed the back of his neck. Definitely deep in thought. Had something happened? Had I missed a sign? Had Joel done something?
Turn this way.
Jake eyed the new desk for the studio, crowding the round table in the old living room. Then he glanced left, toward the kitchen, before he finally veered right, and he came to a stop once more when he noticed me watching him.
Caught you.
The discomfort and confusion were written across his face, soon joined by a humorless little smirk. “Yeah, he’s gay.”
Okay. So I’d missed an obvious tell.
“Did he do anything?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest. I remained in the doorway and leaned against the frame.
Christ, he was uncomfortable. But there was more to his posture. His eyebrows were drawn together, as if he was trying to solve a math problem that annoyed him.
“Kind of?” he asked rather than stated. “He kissed me. On the cheek, I mean. Or the corner of my mouth.”
My own mouth ran dry, and I pictured it. Them. Joel leaning in. Fucking hell. This was my future. The gender didn’t fucking matter. I’d made my choices, so the only seat available for me was right there in the front row. Screw Jake’s amazing looks; he was a genuine guy with a good heart. He was funny and creative and generous and just a bit wounded. This was only the first person—scratch that. I’d witnessed dozens of women try to line up for their shot at Jake. A few men too. There would be others. Many others. Until one day, Jake loved someone back.
“Are you okay?” I asked carefully. Because I wasn’t only selfish. I had a couple good qualities too, and I worried about him sometimes. I wished he’d open up more. Maybe I could help him beat the ghosts of his past to death. I’d certainly try my hardest.
“Yeah.” He nodded slowly, then once firmly. “Yeah, I’m okay. I guess I can feel flattered now.”
He tested a smile, and I did the same.
“I, uh… I gotta drive over to Ortiz for our meeting.”
“Right.” I knew he wasn’t due till ten, but this was Jake. He needed a moment alone now.