Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
I nodded. His discomfort had stemmed from suppressed memories rattling around somewhere in the back of his mind. Fucking hell, I wanted to punch Jake’s mom in the face.
If hell existed, the only one burning in it would be her.
Then it was my turn to hesitate, ’cause I didn’t know if it was too soon to ask…
“Do you think you’re gay?”
He exhaled a chuckle and rolled his eyes, and I caught how they glistened in the faint glow of the lamp.
My heart fucking broke for him. He’d battled all this on his own.
“I…I might be?” He cleared his throat, and the fake humor faded. “I don’t know. I think…maybe. Because—I don’t know. I’ve always struggled with a sense of indifference toward girlfriends. I’ve cared—sometimes deeply—but I’ve never been able to relate when buddies have spoken about their spouses. Especially in Afghanistan—and hell, Cullen and Angus with their wives? How they fuckin’ light up when Peyton and Genevieve walk into a room?”
I smiled slightly.
He sighed and lolled his head along the headboard, tilting his face away from me just a bit. “Then there was Vegas.”
Oh.
My stomach tightened.
You told me you acted out of fear of losing me.
He glanced my way, his expression somber and apprehensive. “I had no idea, Roe. I didn’t know that’s what sex is supposed to be like. So completely fuckin’ consuming and—”
I closed the distance between us before he could finish the sentence, and I kissed him hard. I couldn’t fucking help myself. A rush of relief and love swept through me, to the point where I almost got mushy.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I had lost hope of ever hearing something like that coming from Jake’s mouth.
It was fucking unreal.
The years of guessing, wondering, doubting, hoping, denying, wishing…
He gave me a smile and deepened the kiss. He pulled me onto his lap too, and I wasn’t sure that was wise. I had no willpower around Jake. I wanted him too much. All the goddamn time.
The joy was going to be short-lived, though. I knew that.
Our time wasn’t merely borrowed. It was stolen.
“This is gonna hurt, isn’t it?” I cupped his face and spoke against his perfect lips.
He inhaled deeply and nodded once. “Probably. I mean…” He kissed me once more, then put a couple inches between us and searched my eyes. “I’ve been hurting since the day you got married, darlin’.”
Fuck.
I screwed my eyes shut and rested my forehead to his.
No, no, no, don’t tell me that.
“It’s not all you,” he murmured. “I’m still a shitshow. I’ve just barely accepted that I might be…gay.” That wasn’t easy for him to admit, even now. I heard it in his voice. “The thought of…you know, coming out? Or whatever. Instant panic. I struggle with a lot of anger and shame. I don’t know what to do about my folks—if I have to do anything. I’ve been told I should confront them, but I’d rather just shove them out of my life. And…then, will I always wonder what would’ve happened if I’d confronted them? I’m not certain about a single fuckin’ thing, Roe.”
I opened my eyes again.
His gaze softened a little. “Well, one thing. I can’t get enough of you.”
A breath gusted out of me. Fuck me, I hadn’t seen that coming. That level of honesty. It changed everything, didn’t it? Or did it? Did it change anything? Fuck! Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck.
“I feel the same.” The pain didn’t fucking wait. It was catapulted into me, and my vision became blurry. Because we were stuck, weren’t we?
He shivered and kissed me chastely. “It’s almost a shame you’re a good man.”
What? I furrowed my brow, confused.
He smirked faintly, a bit wryly. “Don’t worry, it’s not an actual suggestion. But since I know you won’t divorce Sandra, and I know you’re not a cheater—”
“I think that ship has sailed.”
“Maybe. Sometimes, good people do bad things. We can chalk this up to a one-time mistake.”
A mistake. Right. Yeah, no. Neither of us felt that way.
“Maybe I should divorce her.” I had to say the words. Test them out. Fuck the maybe. I should divorce her. For one hot second, my whole future looked brighter. “You and I could lie low till you’re ready—”
He winced. “I pray that day will come, Roe, but it’s not on the horizon. And it doesn’t matter. Are you willing to only have Casper every other week?”
Oh God.
My stomach dropped.
“I know you’re not,” he whispered. “It would kill you.”
Kill was a strong word. People did this every day. The divorce stats in our country were depressing. But…yeah, I just…I couldn’t imagine. What I could imagine was how many couples stayed together for that reason. To be with their kids. For better or for worse. No matter what direction I turned, I only saw short-term solutions. Staying with Sandra was gonna make me miserable in the end, something I knew my son would eventually pick up on. Children weren’t blind to their parents’ well-being. Or lack thereof.