Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96284 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
He thought about my word vomit and leaned forward, mirroring my position. He scratched his jaw. “I reckon you gotta do what I did with Nikki. I was a shit boyfriend to her, and I owned it. I admitted to myself and to her that I failed. That’s that.” He glanced at me. “But I’d like to think I’m a good dad. I’m a good friend to the mother of my kids. We have a great relationship today.”
I nodded once and peered down at the ground.
I had to separate the husband from the dad. I’d failed as Sandra’s husband. So be it. I had no argument. We never should’ve gotten married in the first place. On some level, I’d always known that. Sandra might even agree with me. She’d told me our marriage hadn’t been at all what she’d envisioned. We had nothing in common. Although I had actually done my best to be part of her family—with frequent Sunday dinners and get-togethers—she’d been vocal from the start about struggling to connect with everyone I loved, and…let’s face it, I’d pretended. I’d pretended to the point of mental exhaustion.
Our sex life had been a joke. She’d wanted to try for a second baby shortly after Casper was born, and so the fuck-to-conceive joyride had started. I mean, I’d obviously wanted more children too, but she’d been a goddamn machine.
I blew out some smoke and flicked away ashes.
“Why are you angry?” he murmured. “At who? I just wanna flesh it out.”
I got it. Truth be told, I wasn’t sure. It could very well be just the situation itself.
Yeah. That felt…right. I was angry with the situation.
That said, I was gearing up to fight.
“I don’t think I’ve been angry with her so far,” I admitted. “Irritated? Absolutely. Hurt? Fuck yeah. I think I’m getting there, though—with the anger. This dumb Insta stunt…? That’s the first time she’s aired her preferences in public, and that’s my limit. You know how it is—once online, always online. We have millions of followers. I can’t guarantee this won’t be dug up one day for Adam to see. Then what?”
He nodded with a dip of his chin. “Valid.”
“I’m sick of the guilt too,” I added, a bit annoyed. “I’m over it. I’d choose you any fucking day of the week, and I just don’t have the energy to care about how I should’ve gone about it anymore. The last eighteen months have been…” I shook my head and took a final drag from the smoke. “I would’ve lost my fucking mind if it weren’t for you.”
He leaned in and kissed my temple.
After putting out the smoke, I stood up and threw it in the nearest trash can. I felt better having ranted a bit, but I had a lot of thinking to do. Because if Sandra was dead set on avoiding her lack of attachment to the twins, we were gonna have major problems. She would stop existing on my list of priorities altogether, and I would focus solely on protecting the children from pain. Even if that included protecting them from her.
I could only hope things wouldn’t come to that.
I scrubbed a hand over my jaw and didn’t sit down again. Our food would be ready any minute, and we had work to do.
“I’m gonna talk to her as soon as we get back home,” I decided.
Jake glanced up, surprised.
“Fuck the holidays,” I said. “I’ll cancel New York and bring the kids to crash your party on the 24th. If that’s okay?”
“Are you kidding me? Of course it’s okay.” He smiled and rose from the bench too. “I think I have a few extra plates.”
I nodded and exhaled, feeling better with an immediate plan.
We headed back toward the restaurant, and I began counting down the days till I didn’t have to restrain myself from holding his hand. If I knew my man right, he’d need another month or two before he was ready for a flight to Norfolk, so either before or after Alaska. Whatever he preferred.
“You know what?” Jake draped an arm around my shoulders. “No matter the outcome, we’re a family. We have two women behind us who are fiercely protective of your runts too. Don’t forget that. If Nikki catches wind of any type of neglect, she’ll step in as whatever Cas, Adam, and Callie might need.”
“For chrissakes.” I stopped abruptly as a wave of emotions crashed over me, and I had to take a calming breath. Fucking hell. I sniffled and cleared my throat repeatedly.
“That can’t come as a shock, baby,” he reasoned gently. “Our kids are our kids.”
In retrospect, I knew that. It was just… “I guess I needed the reminder. I don’t know what I woulda done without Nikki and Haley either.”
“We’re not gonna find out,” he replied firmly. “Come on. Let’s eat before we visit one of the best guitar players who’s ever lived.”