Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104570 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 523(@200wpm)___ 418(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104570 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 523(@200wpm)___ 418(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
I’m so fucked up. It’s exactly what I wanted, but I wanted to see him hurt for a little while. Misery loves company, after all.
Apparently I was stupid to think he’d actually pine for me.
“What?” Krysta asks as I jerk one of the pieces of paper out of the box.
“Nothing. I was just thinking that maybe I should start seeing that doctor of yours.”
Her brow furrows, but I wave her off. “Go get some sleep. You need to catch up on all the school work you’ve missed. You can start it tomorrow.”
She stands, looking back at me, like she wants to say something, but she turns and walks away instead.
I was just telling Bella that I thought Corbin didn’t know how to love me. Come to find out, he just doesn’t give a true fuck.
I hate myself. I really do.
Sipping my wine, I read the first secret.
I saw Mrs. Carmichael sucking face with Coach Jameson tonight. Ew.
A smile almost tugs at my lips, and I roll my eyes. Apparently this is from fourth grade. I remember this conversation, which means it isn’t a true secret. Mostly, all the ones in this box all read the same—something traumatic he felt he endured.
I’m scarred for life. I want to claw out my eyeballs. I saw my parents having sex today. I thought they were wrestling because their clothes were on. They weren’t making any sounds like people do in the movies that Maverick and I sneak around to watch. But it was sex. I’m so sick. I puked for two hours.
I laugh so hard that I start coughing, and I’m forced to put the box away for a second until I can catch my breath. Poor Corbin. That really is traumatic.
The old tube of Ruby Red lipstick in the box makes a sad smile form, and I clutch it a little too tightly, holding it against my heart.
Putting down the lipstick, I move to another older box, eyeing the clean, new box that was never hidden. It was the one he must have been putting the newest secrets in. I’m not ready for it yet.
Ethan had bruises today. He says he fell, but it looked like he was in a fight. He wouldn’t say anything else. Mom said it wasn’t any of my business, but I think something is wrong.
My brow furrows, and I try to find more to go with that one, but this box is mostly full of random things like that. From the context, I assume most of these are just before seventh grade.
Then I find a few that are just after I moved.
I hate Cassie. I miss Ruby. I wish everyone would stop asking me about her, because it makes me miss her more. I hate them all for taking her away.
Tears form in my eyes, and I pick up another strip.
Ruby called today. She has a boyfriend. If he kisses her, I’ll kill him. I’m supposed to be her first kiss. Me. It’d be me if they hadn’t taken her away.
Maverick said Ruby’s ass looked good in her jeans during her visit this week. I punched him in the nose. It’s the first time I’ve ever hit him, and I barely stopped myself from doing it again.
My smile grows, and a few more tears slip free.
I messed up today. I broke up with Ruby because I’m going to marry her one day. I didn’t want her to be the only girl I was ever with. What if I got boring? I need to make sure I learn all the tricks before we get married.
I’m torn between laughing and groaning at that one. Fifteen-year-old boys and fifteen-year-old girls definitely do not think alike. After reading several more, I find the bottom of the box and an old drawing of mine.
It’s a sketch I did of Corbin holding a football. I never even knew he took this. His hair was down to his shoulders, and his smile could have stopped everyone in their tracks. He was so effortlessly amazing. I trace the lines of his jaw with my finger until I realize what I’m doing.
Setting it aside, I move on to the next box.
I saw Cassie today. I thought about taking a bat to her windows, but Maverick stopped me. Ruby hates me right now. I don’t blame her. I really messed up this summer. But I can get her back. Eventually she’ll come back to me. Until then, friendship is all I have.
More and more of these are in here. Everything is about me. There aren’t any secrets after that summer that don’t pertain to me.
I almost told Ruby I loved her today. I almost kissed her to remove the ice cream from her lip. But I didn’t. I wiped it away with my thumb because I’m a fucking pussy.