Total pages in book: 49
Estimated words: 48146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 160(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 48146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 160(@300wpm)
“When you know better, you do better,” he murmured.
“Is that one of those affirmations or proverbs or something?”
Emil huffed out a laugh. “Probably. But it’s what my dad always says.”
“I suppose it’s true.” My gut tightened. “I hope you at least think I’m trying…to change, to be better at some things.”
“For sure. You’re totally less of a dude-bro lately.”
I grinned. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should. I like hanging out with you,” he admitted. “But you better not tell anyone. I’ll deny it.”
“I like hanging out with you too.” I grinned so hard my teeth hurt.
His tone sobered when he said, “And when I call you a dork, I’m using it like a synonym for silly. And I mean it affectionately or whatever. But I’ll stop if you—”
“No, I like it. It’s kind of our thing.”
He snickered. “It is, isn’t it?”
My stomach flooded with warmth. Damn, what was happening to me where Emil was concerned?
The room grew quiet, and I replayed what had transpired in the common room.
“Did you use to play spin the bottle? I mean, when you were twelve.”
“Yeah, I remember it well.” His laugh was humorless. “I felt sorry for the girls paired with me though. I had no interest.”
“Then why’d you participate?”
“Obviously, to try and fit in. It’s hard when you’re a kid.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” I thought back to my younger days and all the stupid shit I’d done. “There was this one time at a party in middle school where the bottle spun to a guy, and we acted all hyper-masculine about it.”
“I can totally picture it,” he said with a hollow laugh. “Why does that particular memory stand out to you?”
“Because…had people just been chill, I could’ve gotten my first guy kiss over with.”
Oh my God, did that mean I’d decided I wanted it to happen for real? I felt lightheaded.
“Are we seriously back to this again?”
“What? It’s true.”
“And you might’ve hated the kiss because of the person, not just their gender. It’s not like a magical elixir where you kiss any guy or girl and it feels right. The person could be all wrong.”
“Fine,” I muttered. “You’ve got a point.”
He grew quiet, then blurted, “What the hell is going on with you?”
“I honestly don’t know,” I admitted. “Just something I’ve been thinking about.”
We stared at each other across the dark room, and I could just make out his glowing eyes.
“Is that why you were teasing me about kissing the other night? To see what it’s like with a guy?”
“I…yeah, I guess.” My heart was beating hard against my chest. I couldn’t believe I was being brave enough to confess that. “I’m sorry if I pissed you off or freaked you out.”
“You didn’t freak me out. Plenty of straight guys are bi-curious.”
“Really?” That was not something I’d ever considered before, nor had to. I felt so stupid and uninformed.
“Of course. But this isn’t like Henry’s situation, where he knew he was gay but had never kissed a guy before Lark.”
“Oh damn, okay. I didn’t know that.”
“Well, shit, I assumed you knew… Don’t say anything to him—”
“I won’t!” Besides, then I’d have to explain why this topic came up. But I did feel bad that Henners might’ve felt he could never confide that to someone like me. Someone who joked around too much and didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. “Obviously, this is not like that. This is me trying to understand why I keep thinking about certain things.”
“Like what?”
My stomach clenched. “I’m scared to say it out loud.”
“You don’t have to.” His tone softened. “But if you ever do, it would be kept confidential. Like the facials.”
Even though I couldn’t make out his face, I could see the grin.
“I think I need to just say it already.” I took a deep breath. Then two more. “Why do I like being around you, sleeping next to you, the sound of your laugh, and the feel of your skin?” I put my hands on my face. “Fuck, I can’t believe I just admitted that out loud.”
“It’s all right,” Emil replied in a wobbly voice like he didn’t know what to make of my confession. I still couldn’t look at him. “You obviously have a friend crush on me. I am the ultimate roommate.”
My head sprang up. “Is that a thing?” Maybe I’d just never heard of it. Had it happened with other guys over the years? Not that I could think of. “You mean like a bromance?”
There was nervous laughter. “I was just messing with you. I don’t even know how to respond.”
“I’m so embarrassed.” My stomach ached. “You’ve never had those thoughts about me?”
“Sure, maybe once or twice. But I also know you’re straight—at least I thought you were—and us gay guys know how to shift gears when that happens. Mostly. I mean, you’re cute and hella hot in your uniform, and sometimes you’re a dork and make me laugh, but that’s as far as it’s gone.”